October 26, 2005--Michael In Bahrain

Have you noticed the daily column, “Arts, Briefly” in the Arts section of the NY Times? I confess that I eagerly turn to it each day in the hope that it will prove to be the Times version of Page Six. In the guise of reporting about the Arts, it will be deliciously suffused with gossip.

But it always disappoints, while continuing to tease. (Sort of like the story of much of my earlier life.) The other day, however, was an exception, which I suppose is what keeps me coming back to it every day (see column linked below).

There was the usual who-cares item about how the popular ABC series “Lost” was surrounded in prime time on Wednesdays by weaker shows such as “George Lopez (8.07 million viewers) and “Freddie” (8.17 million) and “Invasion” (11.52 million tuned in) and this means that ABC’s Wednesday night lineup is “vulnerable to another network’s success.” [As a footnote--I not only felt badly about ABC’s vulnerability but more about the lives of those 8.07 to 11.52 million fellow citizens who tuned in.]

Another more intriguing brief listing was about the Folksbiene Yiddish Theater’s plans to revive its 1980’s hit, “On Second Avenue.” Though good news for Folksbiene, this was potentially bad news for the producers of “Freddie” because this means some of their 8.17 will have something else to do on Wednesdays.

But then I got to the good stuff—a report about Michael Jackson. I had been wondering what happened to him after you know what. Well, now I know. He is alive and (sort of) well and living in Bahrain. Get out your globe. I did and also checked the official Bahrain website to see what could possible be going on there to lure Michael away from Neverland.

Well it is a Kingdom (that’s good) on an archipelago located in the Arabian Gulf right adjacent to Saudi Arabia (less good). It is frequently called the Pearl of the Arabian Gulf and is full of Sumerian, Babylonian, and Assyrian archeological sites. It also has roads, airports, telecommunications, medical facilities, and a university that are “all recognized as being among the world’s finest.”

I didn’t know that Michael had so much interest in Sumerian archeology (life is so full of surprises) though I certainly know from the look of him that having world-class medical facilities nearby would be important.

But somehow, this didn’t seem enough. So I looked further within the website and found a tab to click on that took me to a calendar of events—“Bahrain This Month.” It was remarkably empty except for the listings for every Sunday—“Basic first aid, Mozart by Manam Singers.” Sunday after Sunday, month after month the same two (related?) activities. Nothing else.

The next link, “bahraincinemas.com” helped me figure out the attraction—Check for yourself, but be careful what you then click on. I would suggest avoiding “Free Sex Movies” or “Free Sxsy” or, maybe closer to home, “Xmen.” There was though one link available that I did explore—“Jewish Singles.” And so I discovered Bahrain isn’t such a bad place after all. For me or Michael.

But back to the Paper of Record—what in fact was the story? It seems that Michael was located in Bahrain because he was summoned for jury duty in the same county, Santa Barbara, where he was tried for child molestation. His lawyer reported it was unlikely he would show up (on time or late) because “he is permanently living outside the United States.”