March 15, 2005--When Too Much Is Not Enough

My favorite architect I am almost ashamed to admit is Morris Lapidus, the designer of the Fontainbleau and other fabulously excessive hotels in Miami Beach. When asked to explain his taste for the Neo-Baroque he famously asserted, "too much is not enough." This became the title for his autobiography and was put forth as a counter to the even more famous Le Corbusier mantra that “less is more.”

Obviously Corbu never worked in Greenwich, Connecticut. Morris, on the other hand, would have been quite welcome there.

For example, he might have been engaged to work with hedgefund manager Joseph M. Jacobs and his wife who are planning to build a 38,929 square foot palazzo-style home in the exclusive Conyers Farm section of Greenwich (see NY Times story below). This place, twice the size of Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch, has drawn the ire of neighbors who want to maintain the “rural nature” of the neighborhood. So you can imagine what they have been saying about the Jacobses’ plan to erect a 224 foot-long faux-Palladian façade. Not to mention the indoor pool (standard stuff), squash court, 3,600 square-foot gym, home movie theater, wine cellar, billiard room, beauty parlor, eleven bedrooms, 16 bathrooms, and four (count them) kitchens.

I understand the need for all the bedrooms. After all, as Mr. Jacobs said, I don’t want to come down in the morning “and there’s people (sic) people sleeping on sofas.” On the other hand, I didn’t quite get the need for the four kitchens until I realized, as one of the lawyers involved in the zoning dispute noted, “I doubt that Mr. and Mrs. Jacobs are going to want their five live-in staff to have coffee with them in the main breakfast room down on the main floor.”

I also don’t understand why the neighbors are so up in arms considering the fact that their rural community already includes any number of “homes” that exceed 30,000 square feet. Another hedgefund manager, Steven Cohen has a huge Georgian place that of course includes the ubiquitous beauty salon as well as an art gallery, theater, and an ice rink with its own Zamboni. And the Queens of Mean, Leona Helmsley has a 31,045 square-foot spread with 12 bedrooms and 15 baths. And of course Steven and Diana Steinman’s 36,287 footer surprisingly has only six bedrooms yet 15 bathrooms. I must confess that I do not get this bed-to-bathroom ratio. And in truth I’m not sure I want to.

I don’t quite know how to put this, but as a Jew let me try: Until now I thought that Greenwich was “restricted.” You know, no Jews allowed.