July 13, 2006--Nebraska??

Looking for a little peace and a sense of security, Rona and I made plans for a cross-country trip—we planned to fly to Seattle and then drive east all the way back to New York City, passing through Washington State, Montana, Nebraska, Wisconsin, Indiana, and Virginia among other places, thinking that not only are these beautiful and interesting states but in a world gone mad they would be safe—while there we wouldn’t have to think about terrorist threats, bombings, and the like.

Wrong!

Thanks again to the NY Times for staying on top of such matters, but no thanks for reporting how unsafe our route turns out to be. Their story about the Department of Homeland Security’s just published National Asset Database, with “assets” defined as potential targets for terrorist attacks, reveals that Indiana is home to more of these kinds of assets, 8,591 to be precise, than any other state in the Union. New York, for example, has “only” 5,687. (Article linked below.)

So Indiana no longer feels like fun; and in fact neither does Washington State, which has 3,650. But since, as I write this, we’re already in easternmost Washington, in Walla Walla, we don’t have to worry too much longer about Washington. Unless of course the Walla Walla Sweet Onion Festival, going on right now, is on the asset list. It probably is since the Mule Day Parade in Columbus, Tennessee is listed. If mules aren’t safe I’m sure neither are onions.

Montana, where we are supposed to be tomorrow, has 1,385 targets; probably all where we plan to be, so maybe we should drive right to Wyoming, which has just 360. But then in the 2004 election a greater percentage of Wyomingites voted for George Bush than any other state and so who wants to be there. But then again we do love the Grand Tetons and you can get the NY Times in Jackson. We'll just avoid talking to anyone while we're there.

Wisconsin on the other hand has 7,146 targets so maybe we should drive south of there to avoid them. I was, though, feeing especially good about Nebraska—never having been there, how bad a place can it be? Corn fields, cattle ranches, Omaha. Sounds perfect, sounds safe—just what we’re seeking. But then I learned that it has almost 3,500 terrorist targets! So I guess we can dart east through Iowa—a mere 455 assets there. I wonder what they might be? Our luck, all the Motel 6s where we plan to stay.

OK, we’ll also forget Virginia, we have people there we’d like to visit but with 4,231 terrorist targets, forget it.

So maybe we should just fly home. . . .

But just as I was about to call Continental Rona reminded me that we bought some new cutlery in Seattle and they’ll confiscate the knives at the airport.

So perhaps we should avoid the entire US and come home through Canada. But didn’t they recently arrest a bunch of terrorists there? And we didn't bring our passports with us.

The more I think about the situation, the more I think we’ll look for a place to live right here in Walla Walla. Real estate is cheap by New York standards and the Onion Festival is only two days a year. And for those two days we can always go to . . . ?