September 1, 2006--Fanaticism XLVIII--Jewish Lifeguards??
Though this is the final weekend of the summer season, not all is well at Jones Beach. Good thing Hurricane Ernesto is headed our way since there would not be enough lifeguards there if the days turned out to be scorchers. Because, it seems, the Jewish lifeguards of Jones Beach are being, they claim, “harassed, unfairly disciplined, and made the subject of police investigations instigated by beach administrators.” (See the NY Times story below for the details.)
The lawyer representing the lifeguards says, “No one explicitly said, ‘Let’s get the Jews,’ but we are looking at the ‘coincidences’ that I’d like an explanation for.” The charges are of course being denied by the State Office of Parks and Recreation.
It seems, though, that historically the Jones Beach lifeguards have been an elite corps—perfect models of tanned fitness. And thus, one suspects, that Jews might not be thought to fit that ideal Arian profile. Sound familiar?
As I was wrestling with my outrage, I thought, “Wait, what about Mark Spitz,” the great Olympic swimmer, “Wasn’t he Jewish?” So what would be so bad about having Jews sitting with their reflectors in the lifeguard chairs at such an exclusive place as Jones Beach?
In spite of the stereotype that Jews can’t float much less swim—that because they have big heads that are required to contain their big, devious brains, God did not build them to be aquatic animals (that’s why He created goys)—these six filing discrimination suits surely are viable in the ocean?
And “What about Johnny Weissmuller,” I also thought, the original Tarzan, who won five swimming Olympic gold medals in the 1920s, “Wasn’t he Jewish as well?” So there are at least two. And who knows, maybe even Esther Williams was a Jewess (“Esther,” get it?), how about her?
It was beginning to appear that maybe we are in fact well qualified to race into the Atlantic and rescue drowning damsels.
But then I did some Googling. True, Mark Spitz is Jewish but, alas, neither Johnny nor Esther.
So maybe the Jones Beach Six should pack up their sunscreen and get back to their pre-med studies at NYU.
The lawyer representing the lifeguards says, “No one explicitly said, ‘Let’s get the Jews,’ but we are looking at the ‘coincidences’ that I’d like an explanation for.” The charges are of course being denied by the State Office of Parks and Recreation.
It seems, though, that historically the Jones Beach lifeguards have been an elite corps—perfect models of tanned fitness. And thus, one suspects, that Jews might not be thought to fit that ideal Arian profile. Sound familiar?
As I was wrestling with my outrage, I thought, “Wait, what about Mark Spitz,” the great Olympic swimmer, “Wasn’t he Jewish?” So what would be so bad about having Jews sitting with their reflectors in the lifeguard chairs at such an exclusive place as Jones Beach?
In spite of the stereotype that Jews can’t float much less swim—that because they have big heads that are required to contain their big, devious brains, God did not build them to be aquatic animals (that’s why He created goys)—these six filing discrimination suits surely are viable in the ocean?
And “What about Johnny Weissmuller,” I also thought, the original Tarzan, who won five swimming Olympic gold medals in the 1920s, “Wasn’t he Jewish as well?” So there are at least two. And who knows, maybe even Esther Williams was a Jewess (“Esther,” get it?), how about her?
It was beginning to appear that maybe we are in fact well qualified to race into the Atlantic and rescue drowning damsels.
But then I did some Googling. True, Mark Spitz is Jewish but, alas, neither Johnny nor Esther.
So maybe the Jones Beach Six should pack up their sunscreen and get back to their pre-med studies at NYU.
posted by Steven Zwerling at
11:32 AM
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