June 22, 2007--Fanaticism LXXX: The Road to Heaven

As we are about to fully enter the summer driving season, forget for the moment how you are going to find enough money to pay for gas, think instead about what you might do with the kids in the back seat who again this year will be whining, “Are we there yet?”

To those of you who are dreading the thought of this, there is good news: the Vatican has again come to your rescue. Cardinal Renato Marino, who heads their Office for Migrant and Itinerant People (these include refugees, truck drivers, and prostitutes—those presumably who “walk the streets”), has just issued a new set of Ten Commandments for drivers.

In addition to the obvious restatement of one of the vintage Commandments, as if it needs reiteration, the old Number One—“You [not “Thou”?] shall not kill”—and the listing of the other new nine, there is an accompanying document that encourages drivers and their passengers to pray together. Unlike the danger of driving while using a cell phone, Cardinal Marino says that saying the Rosary is a good thing to do to keep children occupied since it is “well-suited to recitation by all in the car since its ‘rhythm and gentle repetition does not distract the driver’s attention.’” That should work. (See International Herald Tribune article linked below.)

For folks like me, Number Five is especially useful—since I grew up at a time when the back seat of a car was, well, a place to maybe “get lucky,” the requirement that “Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.” Though something gets lost in translation (I prefer the Latin version myself), this one hits close to home since I still think of cars for such “occasions.” And what will this fifth commandment mean to the drivers of big SUVs who, I assume, bought them for the express purpose of appearing to be powerful and dominating, when in truth they feel powerless and all else in their lives seems out of their control?

I admit that I’m making fun of these good intentions—again, anything for a cheap joke—so let me end with a word about Number Ten—“Feel responsible toward others.” To me, this notion of charity is at the heart and literal soul of Christianity; and, ah if we could only follow it, wouldn’t we have a better world? Though not as eloquent as “Love thy neighbor as thyself,” it will still do. Particularly if, since these commandments are about cars and driving, it could also apply to responsibility for our planet.

But alas conspicuously missing is any guidance about that responsibility. Wouldn’t it have been good if there had been an Eleventh Commandment—“Thou [you can see that I still like “Thou”—I’m more inclined to follow a commandment that refers to me by the second-person familiar pronoun] Thou shall not drive gas guzzlers.” Admittedly not very eloquent, but nonetheless responsible.