April 16, 2009--Citizen Fatch

At the Green Owl a few days ago, debate was raging again about, what else, immigration. The usual suspects were lined up as before staking out their usual positions. Me included.

Lou said, “Most of them don’t want to work and those that do are taking jobs away from real Americans.”

I said, “But how many of your so-called ‘real Americans’ are willing to pick lettuce all day in the hot sun much less clean up public toilets?”

He said, “If we would arrest them and send them home, then we’d find out. In the current recession, I’ll bet lots of Americans would line up for those jobs.”

Pete joined in, “Yeah, just the other day thousands lined up in Miami to apply for a handful of jobs.”

I said, “Sure, working for the city. Those are good jobs. Not cleaning up our messes.”

Pete added, “And none of them want to speak English. Spanish this and Spanish that is all I hear all day.”

I said, “Well, when your people arrived here I’ll bet all you heard was Italian.”

He rejoindered, “But they learned English. At least their children did.”

Exasperated, I said, “And are you telling me that Mexican kids who are now in the U.S. don’t want to learn English? I doubt it. All evidence shows that they are eager to learn English and do so quickly.”

You get the picture.

All the while, off in the distance, smiling and taking this in, was Fatch, a young and beautiful Brazilian woman who has lived legally in the United States for about ten years and who was planning soon to take her citizenship test. She’s one of the Owl’s crew of extraordinary waitresses. Like the rest of them, she's salt of the earth, hard working, good humored, not complaining.

Yesterday morning, with an even broader smile, she told us she took the test earlier in the week and just learned that she passed.

We were thrilled; and after the applause and celebrating, the discussion turned to the meaning of citizenship itself. I asked Harvey, who studied Constitutional law while in law school, why it was that anyone born in the USA, even to parents who are here illegally, is automatically an American citizen. He told me he didn’t know and that he’d do a little research about it and get back to me.

Fatch said she’d also do some research; and then asked, “How many of you know how many amendments there have been to the Constitution?”

I guessed about twenty and looked over at Harvey and a friend of his, Tom, also a lawyer, to get the right answer. Harvey avoided eye contact and Tom just kept smiling his usual ironic smile. He’s a Princeton man and most times keeps above this kind of banter.

“No, I’m serious,” I jibbed Harvey and Tom, “You guys went to law school, passed the bar exam on the first try, and don’t seem to know the answer to this pretty basic question. I don’t know it either, I admit that, but you should. No?”

Harvey said, “The bar exam here focused on Florida’s constitution, not the federal version.” But realizing that wasn’t going to get me off his back, quickly added, “You know how it is—you learn so many things that you tend to forget a lot of them.” Tom kept his head down, still smiling.

“There are twenty-seven.” It was Fatch again. “I don’t think very much about that one. But the 26th was important.”

“Do you agree with Fatch?” I needled Harvey. He didn’t say anything. Usually, he has the good arguments and manages to shut me up. At least for a while.

“Why’s that Fatch?” I asked. I knew I had Harvey this time.

“We’ll that one gave 18 year-olds the right to vote.” She beamed at us, understandably pleased with herself, and went off to bring more coffee to one of her customers.

Rather than continuing to fool around with Harvey and Tom, I switched gears and asked them both if they thought they could pass the same citizenship test Fatch just took. I confessed that I probably couldn’t. Harvey got back into his how-much-we-forget riff. I told him that at my advanced age I agree with him about that. At this Tom looked up for the first time from his coffee and nodded his head in agreement.

“I’ll see if I can find out more about the test on the Internet and send you—and Tom—what I find. We’ll see how well we’d all do. I suspect not that impressively, which I think raises some interesting questions about what it means to be a U.S. citizen—just being born here, never being subsequently tested or asked to demonstrate any basic knowledge of civics. Does that make sense?" Harvey and Tom shrugged their shoulders, I think in agreement.

Back at the apartment I did find some information (linked below) and sent it along to them. I also promised that if they show up at the Owl tomorrow morning, I’d have my own version of a citizenship test for them. We’ll see how well they do. I'm hoping they'll test me too.

If you want to find out, check this space tomorrow, Friday the 16th. Maybe it will turn out to be interesting.

And, the Owl will be closed the day Fatch is sworn in as a new citizen. I'm certain Harvey and Tom will be at the ceremony. And I suspect Pete and Lou as well.