June 17, 2010--Wanted: Dead or Dead

Now we're finally getting somewhere. Remember all that swagger drugstore cowboy George Bush put on when he said, "Bring it on" when he really meant, "Leave it for the next guy"? And when he put a multimillion dollar price on Obama bin Laden's head, calling for him to be brought back "dead or alive"?

George Bush is thankfully gone, but bin Laden still walks around free and continues to plot terrorist attacks against the U.S. and the West.

But, though I know the Obama administration will not take credit for this, there is something afoot on the ground on the border between Afghanistan and Pakistan that sounds more like what George W. and his tough-guy cronies could only dream about undertaking. A version of bounty hunting. And I'm not talking about how Barack Obama, the alleged wimp, has unleashed a fury of drone attacks on al Qaeda and managed thus far to wipe out most of its senior leaders. Do you hear that Dick Cheney? You of five draft deferments.

There is this guy, Gary Faulkner who is currently in jail in Pakistan, arrested for, on his own, tracking Osama. Tracking him with intent to kill. The New York Times is all over this intriguing, crazy story which is linked below.

Faulkner, a Colorado construction worker, has been at this for years. Supposedly saving his own money to finance this, he has made numerous trips to Pakistan in search of bin Laden. I say "supposedly" because it costs a fortune to make even one such trip and on a construction worker's pay how, without someone backing him, has he been able to get there repeatedly, especially during the last couple of years? And, I ask, who has been president during that time?

He's not some nut wandering around out there. According to his family he's as sane and you are I. His brother, a physician, says, "He's not a psychopath. He's not a sociopath. He's a man on a mission."

His brother-in-law adds, "How many people thought Paul Revere was a nut?" Good question.

When Pakistani officials picked him up the other day, he was armed and dangerous. Though he does not speak any of the local languages, he somehow managed to put his hands on a dagger, a pistol with 40 rounds of ammo, a sword (nice touch), night-vision goggles, Christian texts, and some hashish. In regard to the latter, he didn't need any special language skills to secure that. There is a universal language for hash.

One theory about super-patriot or bounty-hunter Gary Faulkner, which makes no sense to me, is that he feels a special connection to bin Laden because he too has issues with his kidneys. Recall, bin Laden it is said has such serious problems with his that he requires regular dialysis, though how he manages to get that done in a cave in Tora Bora is anyone's guess.

I like my theory better--frustrated that bin Laden is still out there plotting and mocking us so many years after the 9/11 attack on America, feeling that the best way to repair his image that he is soft on terrorists, even refusing to call what we are undertaking all over the world a War on Terror, Obama came up with this scheme. In addition to unleashing the drones, he ordered his people to unleash folks like Gary. Rather than just having Christian millennialists and militia fanatics spend all their time making trouble in the U.S., why not turn them loose where they can actually do some good?

It's a win-win. Get them out of here and send them over there. We hire Blackwater mercenaries, don't we? So what's the difference with putting some of these guys on the payroll? I say, anything that gets the job done. Then when Gary Faulkner gets home won't he make a great guest on the Larry King Show? And of course, book deals must be in the works. I can see Matt Damon playing him in . . .