August 2, 2010--Snooki

My bother-in-law and I were in one of those kinds of moods--having a good time while bemoaning everything that's going wrong in the world, from the Gulf oil spill to the quagmire in Afghanistan to how impossible it is to find a plumber to fix a leak in your kitchen faucet for less than $150. And how two days later it’s still leaking.

“Why is it,” I asked, knowing the answer, “that no one any longer seems to know how to do anything?

While we were aggravating ourselves this way he noticed and picked up the first volume of a four-volume set we have here of Gibbon's Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire. Hardly the sort of light reading one wants to be doing during midsummer along the coast of Maine. But it came with the cottage and he had read all of it some years ago and enjoyed looking at it again.

"We'd been talking about how religious extremism is contributing to the problems of the world," he said, "You remember what Gibbon controversially had to say about early Christianity’s role in the fall of the Roman Empire?"

I admitted that I had but only vaguely. "Listen to this then. It's amazing."

And so even though we were eager to head out for coffee he read:

As the happiness of a future life is the great object of religion, we may hear without surprise or scandal that the introduction, or at least the abuse of Christianity, had some influence on the decline and fall of the Roman Empire. The clergy successfully preached the doctrines of patience and pusillanimity; the active virtues of society were discouraged; and the last remains of military spirit were buried in the cloister: a large portion of public and private wealth was consecrated to the specious demands of charity and devotion.

"Indeed, amazing," I said, still wanting my coffee.

While we drove over to the Bristol Diner, continuing to think about the decline of civilization as we know it, David Letterman style, we fooled around by making a list of the top-ten signs that the American Empire was ending. Our top three were:

(3) The Clintons just spent $3 million on Chelsea's wedding

(2) Barack Obama last week appeared on The View

(1) Snooki is better known than Mother Teresa

I assume you’re familiar with The View, the Clintons, and Mother Teresa; but in case you haven't been checking out the Jersey Shore reality TV show, Snookie is one of its "stars."

I’ve only been able to force myself to watch snippets of it and from what I’ve seen it’s about a bunch of tasteless Italian-Americans (sorry, but that’s who they are) who spend their time drinking, cursing, fighting with each other, and having sex in every nook and cranny of their rented beach house. And Snooki is one of the “stars.”

She’s only 4 feet 9 inches tall but makes up for it by wearing the highest heels even on the Seaside Heights boardwalk. And she is most famous for her poof, or what in my day we used to call a pompadour, which adds additional height to her voluptuous, pint-sized body. She has become so famous, in fact, that she is in hot demand for parties and in clubs all over the country and is becoming engaged in what folks in the business call “side projects.” Things like a line of clothing and especially shoes.

And it’s a good thing too that reality personalities such as Snookie are attempting to cash in this way because for appearing on these shows they get paid what one cable executive calls bubkes, which is Yiddish for “nothing.”

While each member of the cast of Friends (a scripted show) was getting a million dollars an episode, during the first season of Jersey Shore the entire cast received a total of $25,000. That’s a few thousand each.

But then things got better for them. The ratings were good (4,8 million viewers a week) and so, according to the New York Times (article linked below), last year they each got $10,000 an episode. This year, as they prepare to shot the third season, Snooki and her colleagues are holding out for more. Perhaps as much as $25,000 an episode, but the production company and MTV are resisting.

So a number of cast members are threatening to jump to other TV opportunities. Of course to other reality shows. One is talking openly about getting on Dancing With the Stars, where, depending on how you do, you get at least $100,000 for appearing and making a fool of yourself.

Mike Sorrentino, known on the Shore as “The Situation” (someone needs to help me with this one) claims he is exploring his DWTS options as well as offers he insists he is receiving to appear on sitcoms. Clearly he has his eyes set on Hollywood. I wish him well.

So it has come to this—

Up to now I thought it’s all about money. But in the words of one reality show executive, it’s about something else: “These folks get paid with fame.”

This I get.