August 23, 2010--Conspicuous Fishing

When I read about how some current yuppies are shelling out hundreds of thousands of dollars for in-home aquariums, it reminded me of my own childhood five-gallon guppy tank. (See New York Times story linked below.)

For me, an exotic idea was to drop a couple of angel fish in among the guppies only to see these more proletarian fish promptly bite off the graceful wing-like fins that were the reason they were called angel fish. So with little cash to maintain a fresh supply of angel fish, bettas, and neons to brighten up my otherwise pedestrian tank, and not yet aware of either class struggle or Darwinian theories about the survival of the fittest, which I could have otherwise witnessed in the literal flesh with my nose pressed against the algae-coated glass, I was left to take pleasure from observing the breeding habits of the redoubtably sexed-up guppies. About these matters I knew, even at a tender age. And I indeed did take pleasure.

But for denizens of multimillion dollar Tribeca lofts, having a colossal aquarium (as opposed to "fish tank") is the latest status symbol. When you already have your kid enrolled in an exclusive and expensive private school, when you've for years had a weekend house in the Hamptons, and your own tanning bed, what's left to show off with?

To quote a Manhattan interior designer with mega-aquarium experience, "They have a collection of cars, of motorcycles, of art, and they have three dogs. It's like, 'What else, what's the next thing to wow my friends?'"

In the case of Tribeca's unfortunately-named Wilzigs, it comes down to choosing the right color to light their 14 1/2 foot, 450-gallon tank to show off to their neighbors and equally status conscious friends.

Thanks to advances in fish-tank lighting technology and the ability of man to breed colorless tropical fish to better show off the 64 color choices the Wilzigs have (these genetically-altered fish are literally designed to turn pink or fuchsia or whatever the Wilzigs choose), they can put on quite a conspicuous display for those with whom they are in their own form of Darwinian struggle.

Mr. Wilzig is especially proud of this lighting system which he claims is as sophisticated as those used to light Broadway shows and rock concerts.

"The whole essence of the house was to be push-button color changing. The apotheosis [apotheosis!] of that was to take the fish themselves and have them be swimming in whatever color you want. . . . When you hit the button for red, all of a sudden it's like the surface of Mars--red fish swimming over a red planet. When you hit white, it's like the fish are swimming over an arctic ice flow."

That's what I call a Wow!