April 8, 2011--Overheard at the Dentist's
While Angie was scraping away at four-months of my accumulated tartar, Rona waited her turn at the reception desk talking with the staff.
One of the dental assistants, Rona later told me, was filling one of her colleagues in on how her daughter was doing as she neared the end of her first year at college.
“The University of Miami accepted her, she was a straight-A student in high school, but didn’t offer her any scholarship money at all. To pay U of M’s tuition and room and board would have been the equivalent of buying a new Lexus every year for four years. More than $40,000 per.”
“I never thought about it that way before,” Rona said. She had worked for more than two decades at the even-more-expensive New York University.
“Well, that’s the way my husband and I thought about it. And to tell you the truth, my daughter, Stacy, did as well. She’s a very good girl and, I confess, wanted to go to college further from home.”
“Where is she again?” asked the receptionist. “Somewhere in Atlanta, no?”
“Yes. At Emory. They offered her a great package. A full tuition scholarship for four years and even a $2,000 a year stipend for books and incidentals.”
“She must be something special,” Rona told me she said. “I can tell you from my experience what they offered is very unusual.”
“As I said, she is. Not only did she have a 4.0 but she also got 1,600 on the SATs.” She smiled, Rona reported, “I don’t know who she takes after. Neither my husband nor I were the greatest students in our day. We did OK, but Stacy is, like you said, special.”
“And how is she doing at Emory?”
“She loves it there. She loves Atlanta—she’s a big-city girl—already has lots of friends, and is even thinking, she says, about staying there after she graduates. Not that I’m happy about that, though my husband says it’s not that far away. It could be worse. She could have gone to college in California, though that’s a nice place to visit.”
“She’s still young,” Rona said, “You never know where she’ll wind up. Does she know yet what she wants to major in?”
“At the moment she loves science. Don't quote me, but to tell you the truth," she whispered, "I wouldn’t want her to go to dental school, though maybe she’ll become a chemist. That’s one of her favorite subjects.”
“You were telling me the other day,” Judy said, “that she’s also feeling a little frustrated.”
“That’s true. About her grades. As I told you,” she looked toward Rona, “She got all A’s in high school but in her first semester at Emory she got a few B’s. She’s not happy about that. And so I told her that she shouldn’t worry. She’s doing just fine. Not everyone has to get A’s. I'll be frank with you, when we visited there early in her first semester, the whole campus was full of oriental students.”
Rona told me that when she heard that she was concerned about where the conversation might be headed. “I don’t have any problem with that,” Rona was relieved to learn, “but you know how hard they study and how they all want to get A’s. That’s what I said to Stacy. Let them get their A’s; you get your mix of A’s and B’s and everything will be all right. I don’t want her spending all her time studying. You’re supposed to have some fun at college, right?”
Rona told me she was tempted to say, “But that’s not all right. If Stacy is as special as you say, and, from an academic perspective, even more significantly, if Emory thinks enough of her to have given her such a generous financial aid package, why aren’t you encouraging her to work even harder and to try to do better?”
For obvious reasons Rona held back, but said to me, “Isn’t this an example of why we are slipping behind in the world? Here this mother has a clearly exceptional daughter and she is telling her that second best is good enough. Maybe Stacy still won’t get all A’s—not that that’s the meaning of life—but shouldn’t she be encouraged to try to do even better?”
“I think you’re right,” I said. “Too many in America are settling for making things as easy and comfortable as possible for themselves and their children while many in the world, who are still hungry for success, are racing right by us.”
“Isn’t that another living metaphor?”
“Sad but true.”
One of the dental assistants, Rona later told me, was filling one of her colleagues in on how her daughter was doing as she neared the end of her first year at college.
“The University of Miami accepted her, she was a straight-A student in high school, but didn’t offer her any scholarship money at all. To pay U of M’s tuition and room and board would have been the equivalent of buying a new Lexus every year for four years. More than $40,000 per.”
“I never thought about it that way before,” Rona said. She had worked for more than two decades at the even-more-expensive New York University.
“Well, that’s the way my husband and I thought about it. And to tell you the truth, my daughter, Stacy, did as well. She’s a very good girl and, I confess, wanted to go to college further from home.”
“Where is she again?” asked the receptionist. “Somewhere in Atlanta, no?”
“Yes. At Emory. They offered her a great package. A full tuition scholarship for four years and even a $2,000 a year stipend for books and incidentals.”
“She must be something special,” Rona told me she said. “I can tell you from my experience what they offered is very unusual.”
“As I said, she is. Not only did she have a 4.0 but she also got 1,600 on the SATs.” She smiled, Rona reported, “I don’t know who she takes after. Neither my husband nor I were the greatest students in our day. We did OK, but Stacy is, like you said, special.”
“And how is she doing at Emory?”
“She loves it there. She loves Atlanta—she’s a big-city girl—already has lots of friends, and is even thinking, she says, about staying there after she graduates. Not that I’m happy about that, though my husband says it’s not that far away. It could be worse. She could have gone to college in California, though that’s a nice place to visit.”
“She’s still young,” Rona said, “You never know where she’ll wind up. Does she know yet what she wants to major in?”
“At the moment she loves science. Don't quote me, but to tell you the truth," she whispered, "I wouldn’t want her to go to dental school, though maybe she’ll become a chemist. That’s one of her favorite subjects.”
“You were telling me the other day,” Judy said, “that she’s also feeling a little frustrated.”
“That’s true. About her grades. As I told you,” she looked toward Rona, “She got all A’s in high school but in her first semester at Emory she got a few B’s. She’s not happy about that. And so I told her that she shouldn’t worry. She’s doing just fine. Not everyone has to get A’s. I'll be frank with you, when we visited there early in her first semester, the whole campus was full of oriental students.”
Rona told me that when she heard that she was concerned about where the conversation might be headed. “I don’t have any problem with that,” Rona was relieved to learn, “but you know how hard they study and how they all want to get A’s. That’s what I said to Stacy. Let them get their A’s; you get your mix of A’s and B’s and everything will be all right. I don’t want her spending all her time studying. You’re supposed to have some fun at college, right?”
Rona told me she was tempted to say, “But that’s not all right. If Stacy is as special as you say, and, from an academic perspective, even more significantly, if Emory thinks enough of her to have given her such a generous financial aid package, why aren’t you encouraging her to work even harder and to try to do better?”
For obvious reasons Rona held back, but said to me, “Isn’t this an example of why we are slipping behind in the world? Here this mother has a clearly exceptional daughter and she is telling her that second best is good enough. Maybe Stacy still won’t get all A’s—not that that’s the meaning of life—but shouldn’t she be encouraged to try to do even better?”
“I think you’re right,” I said. “Too many in America are settling for making things as easy and comfortable as possible for themselves and their children while many in the world, who are still hungry for success, are racing right by us.”
“Isn’t that another living metaphor?”
“Sad but true.”
posted by Steven Zwerling at
5:06 AM
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