August 18, 2011--Ladies of Forest Trace: Your Next President

I was about to settle down for lunch on Saturday when my 103-year-old mother called.

“Did you hear your new president?”

My heart stopped for a moment, thinking she was referring to Vice President Biden and that something terrible had happened to Barack Obama. But she did not seem upset. Quite the contrary.

She must, I then thought, be referring to a speech that Obama was scheduled to deliver at the launch of his bus tour of Iowa and other parts of the Midwest. He had been having a rough month, agreeing to a debt-ceiling compromise that many of his base supporters were roundly criticizing and he was hitting the road in an attempt to fight back. Maybe he had given a barnburner of a speech and she was calling to tell me about how he had earlier in the day renewed his presidency. That Obama was, in a sense, like a new president.

“No, mom, I didn’t hear Obama’s speech. It must have been a terrific one to get you so excited.”

“I’m not talking about him.”

“I’m confused. Didn’t you say ‘your new president’?”

“You may be getting hard of hearing, but, yes, that’s what I said.”

“I’m still confused. Who are you referring to? I mean, who’s our new president?”

“Are you too busy up there in the woods to watch CNN? You do have TV, don’t you?”

“You know I do. But I don’t watch it as much as you. To tell you the truth, when we’re here I like not watching it. It’s too upsetting.”

“Well, you should have been watching an hour ago. He gave a remarkable speech.”

“Again, who?” I was getting frustrated.

“In South Carolina.”

“This is not helping. I’m still not following you.”

“I’m talking about Governor Ferry. His speech.”

“Oh, you mean Governor Perry of Texas. He announced his candidacy today.”

“Yes, him. Ferry, Perry, what’s the difference. He’s still the same person. You know how old I am,” indeed I do, “and I sometimes get confused. But I’m not confused about the speech. His. If he makes any more like that one, I’m afraid he’ll be your new president.”

“Our new president?” I corrected her.

“Yours, ours, again it makes no difference. But in November watch out.”

“You mean a year from November.”

“That too. For me the sooner the better.”

“You mean for Perry to be elected? I thought you were a big Obama supporter. Didn’t you tell me three years ago how you were working for him at Forest Trace?” The retirement community in Florida where she lives. “That though your friends, the ladies, were originally all for Hillary you persuaded many of them to vote for him?”

“That was then and this is now.”

“I know you’ve been disappointed with Obama about many things. Like the rest of us who held such high hopes for him. How he isn’t a strong enough fighter for things we thought he believed in.”

“True, but I didn’t call to talk about him today. I saw Ferry’s speech and it excited me and . . . “

“That’s not a surprise. He a very good speech . . .”

“Again you’re interrupting me. Please let me finish my thought. Then you can interrupt me.”

“Sorry.” I admitted that I do have a tendency to do that.

“He’s an excellent speaker, that governor. Like those preachers on TV. Those tele-avengers.”

I couldn’t restrain myself from correcting her again. “You mean televangelists.”

“Those too. The ones who always seem to get caught fooling around in the men’s room.”

“I don’t know about Perry.”

“As my mother always said, ‘Give it time and we’ll see.’ Of course in Yiddish it’s better.”

“I’m not following you. When you called you seemed excited that he would become our—I mean, my new president. No?”

“Yes, no.” I held off asking what she had meant, or what this yes-no business was about. “I am not saying that I’m excited about his becoming the next president just that I think he will.”

“Now I believe I’m following you. You were more agitated than excited. I misunderstood you. I too am feeling that . . .”

It was her term to interrupt, “So what else is new? To misunderstand me.”

“Please, mom, we were about to go into town to shop for dinner so can you . . .”

“Rushing, rushing. Always you’re rushing off the phone. In New York I can understand that. Where no one can sit still and has ants in their pants. But don’t you go to wherever you are to slow down?”

“To Maine, mom. Stop pretending to be confused. You’re less confused that people half your age. And that includes me.” All true.

“Getting back to the subject at hand.”

“Fine.”

“The new Bush.”

“The what?”

“The last one. The one you called W. President Bush. His son.”

“Gotcha.”

“If you would listen to Ferry you would think it’s him again. And the way he flaps his arms. Just like X.”

“W.”

“Him too. Again with the Texas Miracle. How many more of these can we afford? These miracles are very expensive. Look what Bush’s did to us. How much do we owe?”

“More than $14 trillion dollars.”

“Most of it from the first miracle worker?”

“Maybe not most, but pretty near. If you count the first two years of the Obama administration, where the deficits were largely inherited, I guess you could say most of it, yes, came from George W. Bush.”

“Like an inheritance.”

“That’s one way of thinking about it.” This is among her ongoing favorite subjects.

“I’m sure Wolf will have a lot to say about the latest miracle.” She was referring to Wolf Blitzer who she watches religiously. “And on Meet the Press tomorrow. Though I still miss Tim Rusty.”

“I doubt that Perry will agree to go there so soon. Or ever. Maybe if he turns out to be the frontrunner. Then he’ll have too. But as you’re saying, though he may be selling snake oil of the kind people seem to want and he’s energetic and a good campaigner.”

“They’re already saying that he has to be taken seriously. Considering that that Michele person is going to win the hay poll in Iowa later today.” She of course meant the Ames, Iowa straw poll, which Bachmann in fact went on to win, eking out Ron Paul.

“We do go for his kind of salesmen. Especially if they sound like preachers. What is it about us that though people all over Europe have become less religious here we are becoming more so?”

“I suppose it’s part of our history. How the original settlers came here to practice their strict forms of religion.”

“Yes, that’s who came here originally, but then there were tens of millions of immigrants who came not to pray but for opportunities. Like my family. My father was very observant, that is true, but that’s not why he worked so hard to bring us here. He wanted us to get an education and live a better life. He wanted us to keep the holidays but not to let religion rule our lives. Above all, he wanted us to become Americans and that, to him, included not mixing religion up with government. He had seen too much of that in Europe and knew how that had been used to keep people down. And with the Cossacks and Nazi even worse. How because of religion—our religion—just for that you could be tortured and killed.”

I was hoping we wouldn’t get too deeply into a discussion about the Nazis. For her it is the most upsetting of topics and I didn’t want her becoming even more agitated. At her age it’s , , ,

“But let’s not talk about that. Let’s talk about the president. The next one I mean.”

“Good,” I said, feeling relieved.

“I am just afraid that he will get nominated since the Republicans have so many weak candidates and that with the economy kaput, he just might be able to get elected.”

“You may be . . .”

“. . . right, I know. But maybe once we learn, the public I mean, when they start paying attention, that there wasn’t such a miracle in Texas—that most of the jobs he says he created were because gas costs $4.00 a gallon and Texas has all that gas--and when those who are not so religious realize he’s running to be Preacher in Chief and to turn this into a Christian country, maybe then he won’t look so good.”

“I hope you’re right. But I worry. Didn’t you tell me that I missed listening to ‘our next president’?”

“Yes, I was impressed with how he spoke and presented himself, but I was also being ironic. Maybe to make me feel a little better. I don’t know.”

She was beginning to sound rueful and so to try to change the subject I asked her if she was watching the PGA golf championship in addition to CNN. She likes to follow golf.

“I have been but it’s not the same with Tiger not playing.”

“I thought he was,” I said, relieved to see her talking about something else besides politics.

“He was, but he missed the cut. So he’s not playing this weekend. This is some story, isn’t it? Maybe he needed to be fooling around to play so well.”

“Interesting point,” I said. I have had the same thought since he got caught cheating.

“So maybe there’s still hope.”

“Again, I’m not following you.”

“If the Democrats are smart,” she chuckled, “they’ll keep a close eye on this Ferry character.” She paused for effect and added, “If you know what I mean.”

Indeed I did and thought, has it come to this?

And with that she hung up, saying, “I have to get back to the golf.”