February 15, 2014--Saturday Special--My Funny Valentine ('s Day Gift)

This fun piece is from guest blogger Sharon--

Trained to look at the past to understand the present, I view my changing expectations for Valentine's Day a brew of early memories fermented by life's experiences.

Two gifts bestowed upon my mother by my dad provided a baseline for both how it's done and what not to do. Early on, no more than ten years into their marriage, my mom received a gold charm bracelet with a single gold heart. At six or seven years old I interpreted this as a positive signal about my parent's relationship. About fifteen years later my mom's gift looked like a St. Christopher medallion, only she wasn't Catholic, it wasn't silver and it was so ugly that not only my mom but even the kids (at least my sister and I) were appalled.

Early on in our marriage, my expectations were influenced by these events. I actually "rescued" the discarded medallion from an ashtray and kept it as a reminder of what you didn't want as a symbol of affection twenty five years in. This was complicated by a husband who liked to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas, but saw Valentine's Day as a Hallmark holiday.

In "How to Be a Better Valentine, Through Economics," Paul Oyer a professor of Economics at Stamford University's Graduate School of Business looks at the common view of successful Valentine's Day exchanges as measured by the amount spent per person and offers some alternatives. His prescription for a more successful Valentine's Day: "Figure out how to signal to your mate that you really care, spend money on yourself, and stop hoping for perfection . . ."

So in that spirit, when my snowed-in husband apologized for not being able to get out to contribute to this year's per person spent, I pointed out that both of us had already given and received the best gift. Earlier in the day, I had signaled I really cared by texting a local snow removal team, spent money on myself by paying them the equivalent of a REALLY nice dinner for two and my husband reciprocated by not refusing. As he was teleworking, he didn't mind having to stop for three hours to shovel, so this gift wasn't just for me.

As for passing on perfection, I'm sure he thought I was making a bigger deal than necessary (although shoveling 14 inches of wet, heavy snow is a big deal) and I remembered the days when in our 30s he was the one that made our landlord's wife happy shoveling the snow around our Connecticut rental, even though our 70-something landlord looked like he could still take someone down in a prizefight. My countervailing memory though was our 40-something neighbor who had a fatal heart attack shoveling out her car.

So, while TV news today focuses on the impact of the snow on floral deliveries, the story which caught my attention was the three local shovelers, all UNDER 60, who won't be around to celebrate 

At the risk of this sounding like "the real meaning of Christmas" story, although I like chocolate, flowers and things that sparkle as much or more than the next guy, a while back I realized the more important lesson from childhood wasn't what gifts were exchanged, but how you treat and regard someone over time.

And as for that bracelet, my mom must have sold it when the price of gold spiked in 1980. It was never really her taste anyway.

For the entire Oyer article see:

 http://economix.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/02/13/how-to-be-a-better-valentine-through-economics/