April 9, 2018--Passover With Donald Trump

Traditionally, at the Passover seder a fifth cup of ceremonial wine is left untouched at an empty place at the table in honor of the prophet Elijah, who, according to tradition, will arrive one day to herald the coming of the Messiah.

Last year and this, at Pesach, that place, apocryphally, was occupied by Donald Trump. 

Likewise he was a malignant spirit present at last week's Easter dinners and before that at Christmas gatherings and family Thanksgivings.

In this regard, at least, Trump was ecumenical. Spoiling these family occasions equally without regard to ethnicity, national origin, or religious affiliation. He disrupted everyone and everything.

Family members don't always get along. OK, family members almost never get along. But a lot gets papered over for the sake of peace. 

We all have our "crazy" Uncle Harrys with their roving hands, Republican families include at least a grumpy Democrat or two and the families of progressives usually have a few grouchy conservatives. 

Customarily, after just one glass of wine, though by tacit agreement we agree not to discuss Sandra's divorce, Eli's bankruptcy, Mary's hysterectomy, Jack's children's problems with drugs, or Irene's facelift these come up but are quickly squelched by whomever serves as the family matriarch or patriarch.

When gathered around the dining room table, things can get heated. OK, they always do, but there has been a layer of affection (if not love), civility, and respect that prevents things from spinning out of control. 

At least there used to be.

Family protocols were such that cousins and in-laws were constrained from becoming so furious with each other that harsh words evolved to accusations and epithets, which in turn would lead to threats or fist fights. In the past no one got so riled up that they threatened to never again make the trek to Long Island or New Jersey for Passover or Easter. For the sake of familyness, unspoken limits were agreed upon and mostly obeyed.

But friend after friend reported this year that things have gotten to be so nasty and personal that they plan to absent themselves from future family gatherings as long as Donald Trump is president and occupies the Elijah chair. 

Things have descended to that point. He has so profoundly contributed to coarsening the environment that they see no hope of retaining any semblance of family ties as long as he postures and swaggers in our national midst. 

I have been hearing stories about how previously close brothers-in-law, who agreed about almost everything and when they did differ had enough respect for each other that they heard each other out and managed to find common ground, or agreed amicably to agree to disagree, are sadly no longer talking. 

I head from one of the brothers-in-law that he will no longer have anything to do with his sister's husband because he called him a fascist. The brother-in-law who shared this with me said that though he did not support Trump and worries about where he is leading the country, he wanted to talk about why Trump had been successful in order to come up with strategies to resist him and his rule and defeat him during the midterm elections in November. 

But now, simply for taking Trump seriously, he was accused of "normalizing" him and thereby lending him support. Thus, he was accused of being an enabler for America's Mussolini. 

He said to me, "Now when I send him a happy birthday email he doesn't even say 'thank you.'"

And I heard from a cousin who is sensing that his brother-in-law may be a Trump enthusiast and, if so, does not want to have anything further to do with him. He is thus considering preemptively cutting off the relationship. Doing so, again, not because he knows but because he suspects his brother-in-law likely voted for Trump.

For my part, from now on I'll be celebrating various holidays by going to the movies and having dinner in Chinatown.

Elijah's Seat