July 31, 2006--An Army of Lovers

I've been waiting for this to happen. When some gays would say, "Enough already with this marriage business. We want to go back to having fun--to being gay. What's so 'gay' about getting married? Just look around you. Most hetero married folks are miserable and can't wait to get divorced. For example, look at poor Paul McCartney."

So I was delighted that some gay individuals and groups, responding to the recent court decisions in New York and Washington that banned gay marriage, spoke out against the very desirability of marriage itself. Bill Dobbs, for example, who is gay, says it “turns his stomach” every time he sees pictures of gay couples cuddling dogs and children (see NY Times story linked below). He and others liken this push to legalize gay marriage to be ironically similar to the conservative emphasis on “family values.” And they do not want any part of that.

To them, fighting back at the Stonewall was not about securing the right to marry, having children, getting health benefits, and winding up in divorce court. It was to assert the right to enjoy a fully open “gay lifestyle.” Mr. Dobbs and others look back wistfully to the good-old-days of free love in the clubs and bathhouses.

They wonder if monogamy is in fact normal and why gay men and women are buying into institutions that they see to be repressive. They seek “sexual generosity” or a return to the 1970s concept when many gays considered themselves to be an “army of lovers.”

Also of interest, as opposed to mainstream gay groups that resist the idea that gayness is a choice of a lifestyle, maintaining that it is biologically determined (opponents of gay rights say it is about lifestyle and gays should just straighten out), these dissenters prefer the idea that people opt or choose to be gay. This of course complicates the legal argument, which claims that gays should have the same rights as heterosexuals since gayness is hardwired. But gays who oppose the agenda of traditional gay rights groups that focus so exclusively on marriage do not want to be held hostage by them or their notions of “proper” gay behavior.

The same day that a court in Washington State joined New York in ruling against gay marriage, a group of social activists that included Gloria Steinem and Cornel West published a manifesto called “Beyond Same-Sex Marriage” which called for extending legal rights to marry to “extended families living under one roof” (polygamists?) and “close friends in long-term caregiving relationships.”

Reading about all of this, I realized that my cross-country meanderings are over and I’m back in New York City. As Dorothy learned, I realized that I’m not in Kansas anymore.