October 17, 2007--Political Potpourri

How many months to the next election? I forget. But I do know that in fewer than 100 days Iowans will do their caucus thing (can anyone explain to me what that is and how it works?) and shortly thereafter New Hampshire will hold its primary followed almost immediately by South Carolina and Nevada (Nevada?). And who knows, if Florida legislators have their way, their primary could very well take place next week. So forget about all the national polls that show a Subway Series general election—Rudy actually from New York vs. Hillary sort of from here. I myself would have preferred the real thing—Mets vs. Yankees; but I’ll have to settle for rooting for the Rockies, whatever that is. And forget about Hillary’s inevitable inauguration. All I have to say to convince you that, in spite for everything, it’s too soon to declare anyone the winner, all I have to do for the older folks is say Tom Dewey; and for the more au courant generation, Howard Dean. Here, therefore, are a few things to think about— If you believe that Senator Larry Craig is going to be the poster child that Democrats will use to expose Republican hypocrisy, think what a poster boy Bill Clinton will be when Karl Rove, or one of his nocturnal minions, comes up with a video of our former president in full flagrant you-know-what. What will happen if Barack Obama finally locates his cojones and actually mentions Hillary Clinton’s name in a sentence? Much less how the earth might move if he actually took her on in public, at a live debate, and not while mumbling something about her from carefully crafted notes. What would happen if Fred Thompson actually went on the campaign trail rather than putting in a half hour a day of public yawning? This one’s too easy—he’s at about 20 percent in the opinion polls right now running as a mummy. So appearing alive in the open air of Iowa or New Hampshire would without doubt drive him down to single digits. What would happen if John McCain were to sink so low in the polls and run totally out of money—how would he be able to maintain even the semblance of a campaign? But might this diminishment in status ironically allow him to redefine himself as a Dennis Kucinich-type of maverick? A version of back-to-the-future? Yes, but only if he had enough cash to put in the tank of his Straight Talk bus. What would happen if we had a real discussion about the Mormon religion and what the implications of that might be for a Mormon president? But then again, just as we were unpacking some of its harder-to-believe tenets, we’d probably have to take another look at more familiar burning bushes and loaves and fishes. And then, what if Rudy, after chasing all the Squeegee Men out of Iowa City, was caught on tape wearing a dress in the women’s room at the Minneapolis Airport? Would Donna Hanover, Mrs. Rudy III, come to his rescue and stand by her man (or whatever) like Mrs. Larry Craig?