April 17, 2009--Citizen Fatch: Part II

Tom must have had an early appointment at court. Or, opted not to show up this morning at the Owl. He, as well as Harvey, had been forewarned that I would be bringing in my own version of a citizenship test, that Fatch would be scoring it, and so perhaps wisely he decided to go to Starbucks for coffee and thereby avoid taking any more abuse from me.

This in spite of his bragging last night, when I emailed him a prep-test, “I have never had problems [when at Princeton] passing a test that was handed out a month beforehand, just like the football players at the University of Florida,” which I knew was a dig at Harvey who is a Gator.

Harvey, on the other hand, who had been practicing hard, though looking a little bleary-eyed from the all-nighter, showed up at the stroke of 8:30.

He too had written me about the results of his preparations. Obviously feeling pretty good about himself and unable to pass up a dig at me, he wrote about the 100 U.S. government supplied practice questions I had sent to him (linked below):

I won’t take credit for the number of Amendments which I didn’t know yesterday morning but knew by the time of this test (#22); #43 is obviously dated – Chief Justice John Roberts; I missed (#44) one of the 13 original states (I thought possibly Vermont and not Georgia), I missed #72 about the INS Form 400; I missed the purpose of the U.N. (question 82) which I said was to be corrupt, ineffective, impotent, and bash the U.S. at every turn; I disagree with #78, we are a Republic form of government which isn’t a pure Democracy – bad question. All kidding aside, in the end I missed [only] three. (Emphasis added)

He of course knew I would be trying to trick him with my questions, or minimally I would attempt to take a few cheap shots at his beloved Republicans. In that regard, he wasn’t disappointed.

He managed to get the right answer to question number 1—“Which US president increased the national debt by the largest percentage?” Not (a) Thomas Jefferson or (b) James Polk, but (d) Ronald Reagan.

And he knew the answer to question 4--“Who was president when the US lost the war in Vietnam?” He ignored Bill Clinton who, smart ass that I am and since Republicans like to blame him for everything, I listed twice—(a) and (c)—and circled (d), Richard Nixon.

Though another of his friends observing Harvey rip through the exam claimed that we didn’t lose the war, we simply withdrew. Touché.

But Harvey did mess up number 8—“What does the 28th Amendment to the Constitution sanction?” From yesterday’s fiasco about the number of Amendments, not knowing there were only 27, he should of realized this was a trick question and answered (e) Other, and filled in the blank, writing “There is no 28th Amendment.” Instead, he picked (c) Cross Dressing.

I knew, though, that he was puling my leg. And so did Fatch, who was still glowing with pride over what she had achieved earlier in the week.

As he was leaving for the office, Harvey promised he would try to get to her swearing in and bring Tom along with him.