June 21, 2012--Midcoast: Weed Whacker

After a mild winter and wet spring our lilacs, lupine, and rosa rugosa are exploding with blooms. As are our weeds.

I know from some study of botany that, in effect, everything is or was a weed. That even our most luxurious plants and flowers were once weeds (i.e., grew naturally in the wild), but as the result of centuries of hybridization have been transformed into the flowers we appreciate and love and that everything left over--deemed not worthy of transformation from weeds into horticultural specimens--are, well, weeds.

And they tend to do very well even in the worst of soils and retain a vitality not bred out of them by too much time in hothouses. They do so well in fact that anyone maintaing a garden goes after them with a vengeance in a variety of natural and toxic ways. This includes using a weed trimmer or, as I prefer to call it, a weed whacker.

We've been yanking out weeds by hand for a long time, but they are so powerfully and deeply rooted this year that we decided to go after at least the stalks of them with gas-powered assistance. So I did my research and from Consumers Report found that the Stihl FS 45 is top-rated for the non-professional gardener.

That would be me.

We got a good deal on one at a local hardware store and it is now gassed up and waiting in our shed for a cool morning. Rona warns, "Don't go whacking too early. It's the season and we have neighbors now."

She knows that I get up before dawn every day and after my blogging work have been known to be out weeding in the garden by 6:30. Silently. By hand. Just me and the chipmunks and rabbits.

"And be sure to read the instruction manual. Especially all the safety information. I don't want to wake up one morning and find you with a toe whacked off." (As you can see she too likes to refer to the weed trimmer as a weed whacker.)

It comes with separate operational and safety manuals. The English language version of the latter runs 23 pages. That's a lot of safety warnings and tips, I thought, for a simple machine. Isn't it enough to recommend wearing goggles (Stihl includes a pair at no extra cost) and to be sure not to wear open-toe shoes. Rona would insist on that anyway, safety manual or no safety manual.

Being a reader I plunged in.

On page 1 it warns--

The use of the machine may be hazardous. If the rotating line comes in contact with your body, it will cut you.

Of course, I thought, that's the whole purpose of the whacker--to do lots of cutting.

It goes on--

You must be in good physical condition and mental health and not under the influence of any substance (drugs, alcohol, etc.) which might impair vision, dexterity or judgement.

It doesn't, though, require that I submit to Stihl letters from either my physician or psychiatrist attesting to my physical and mental health; but the next time I have an appointment, I'll check to see if in their judgment I'm fit to whack weeds. My doctor will probably sign off on me; the shrink on the other hand, who knows. She thinks I'm crazy for having bought an 85-year-old house only 50 feet from the bay.

But if my internist were to see all the warnings maybe he would suggest I go back to tearing at weeds on my hands and knees because the manual states--

Prolonged use of a power tool (or other machine) exposing the operator to vibrations may produce whitefinger disease (Raynaud's phenomenon) or carpal tunnel syndrome.

That's it, I thought, slamming the safety manual on my desk. I'm OK wearing goggles, I'll be sure not to  lacerate myself, and will cut back on the meds and red wine when weed whacking; but if I get that whitefinger thing (sounds terrible) or, worse, carpal tunnel, there will be no more typing and thus no blogging for me.