February 7, 2013--Lady Gaga

In case you've been otherwise occupied, allow me to fill you in about what Lady Gaga has been up to. 

She is being sued by her former assistant, Jennifer O'Neill, for Gaga's refusal to pay her overtime wages when required to share the Lady's bed. I assume, time-and-a-half is what is being sought.

There have been court depositions and even public testimony which, for anyone inclined, are quite juicy.  

Less salacious but of more cultural interest about our times are the details, also emerging, about what Lady Gaga requires backstage when she is on tour. This is all stipulated in a contract and must be agreed upon before Gaga signs on the dotted line.

Along with the usual fare (tea, honey, a bag of Tostito lime flavor tortilla chips), there are a number of other more amusing items that I've listed below to save you the effort. Also, out of mischievousness, I did not correct the spelling--

The most outrageous request for her backstage sanctuary, which she insists be outfitted in white leather couches, fresh roses (yellow, white, or lavender) and black- and silver-satin drapes, is a "manquin [sic] with puffy pink public [sic] hair."  

Gaga also wanted "silver statins [a Freudian sic?] drapped over the walls," which she required to be decorated with "old rock posters from her favorite artists [like] David Bowie, Queen, Elton John and Billy [sic] Holiday."

The rest of the contractual rider is pretty standard rock-star stuff, though unlike Mariah Carey it does not call for the removal of brown M&Ms or a provision for 20 white kittens and 100 white doves, but it's still a revealing peek behind the satin curtains.

Among Lady Gaga's ablution requirements are "2 large fluffy lavendar [sic] towels; 2 lavendar [sic] hand towels; 2 lavendar [sic] wash cloths," which must be available to the pop star "at all times"; and "lavendar [sic again] handsoap, body wash; face soap; 2 new seafoam luffas [sic]; small candle in the bathroom."

Food stipulations include "whole wheat bread, Bran Flakes or Special K (with no berries or raisins), organic teas and milk, Hiro strawberry jam and peanut butter with flax seed that contains no more than 4 grams of sugar, Ezekial [sic] sprouted grain tortillas and homemade guacamole." She also likes hummus, solid white tuna in water, a vegetable tray with carrots, celery, peppers, broccoli, and cauliflower with low-fat ranch dressing, and six Activia yogurts ("vanilla preferred").

On the drink front, Lady G requires two bottles of wine, a bottle of Jameson whiskey, eight Coke Zeroes, bottled water, long drinking straws, Dunkin Donuts vanilla ground coffee, four Essential Flavor vitamin waters, eight Fuze Slenderize drinks, and four Gatorades.

The latter I understand, but I'm still wondering about that mannequin what the puffy pink public [sic] thing.