August 30, 2016--Let's Vote Already

Jack said, "I'm not talking about early voting," though in some states, more than two months before Election Day, early voting is underway, "I'm saying let's move Election Day to Friday. This Friday. Three days from now. I'm sure everyone has made up their mind who to vote for. Let's put all of us out of our misery."

"It's true, "Rona said, "This election is making me miserable. But doesn't the Constitution say . . . ?"

"I know what it says. But what it doesn't say, and should say, is that when you have two candidates, one worse than the other, Election Day gets moved to September 1st."

"I agree," I said. "That way too we could enjoy the return of Dancing With the Stars without having to have it preempted by the debates or feel pressure to watch them. Can you imagine what the first debate this time is going to be like? A train wreck."

"That at least should be good for a few laughs or groans," Jack said. "But seriously, will anything happen between now and November 8th that will cause anyone to change who they plan to vote for?"

"Maybe if North Korea fires a nuke at Japan or . . ."

"If Hillary is indicted or . . ."

"Or if Trump actually shoots someone on Fifth Avenue."

"Even if any of those things happened I don't think it would change anything. Both the Hillary and Trump people are locked in," Jack said, "And are suffering from overexposure to the point that when we get to Election Day half the people will be hoping that Ralph Nader was in the race."

"Or Al Gore or . . ."

"Or Sarah Palin or . . ."

"Herman Cain."

"I love Herman Cain," I said, "He was so funny. 'Nine-nine-nine.' Remember that?"

"At least the primaries were amusing,"Jack said. "especially on the Republican side. Though Bernie also made things interesting."

"I drive around town here and I don't think it's an exaggeration to say there are no lawn signs for anyone. Four years ago there were tons for Obama and Romney."

"And almost no bumper stickers," Rona said. "What do you think's going on?"

"It turns out that they're both terrible candidates with absolutely no sense of humor. Even when they make gaffs they're not amusing ones. In Trump's case, giving him the benefit of the doubt that the stupid things he says are gaffs, all of them are more disgusting than either interesting or unintentionally satirical."

"And in Hillary's case when she says something careless or gets caught in not telling the truth--I'm being nice--she always responds by whining as if she's being wronged by the right-wing conspiracy. Neither of them is ever seen to be smiling about anything. I haven't been watching, but I can only imagine that Saturday Night Live, which the past three or four elections only had to quote candidates verbatim to crack everyone up--Sarah Palin case in point--must be struggling for material."

"So what happened?" Rona asked. "This should be a fascinating, historic campaign. What with the wife of a president and the first woman running against a true non-politican, both with the potential to interest the electorate, are turning out to be as about as boring and insubstantial as it gets."

"Hillary does talk about policy," I said.

"But in an excruciatingly uninteresting way," Jack said, "I think she knows she has a big lead and is playing it safe. Saying as little as possible, none of it unscripted or in press conferences, so she can run out the clock, avoid mistakes, and stumble to victory."

"And Trump, no matter what you think of him, was an amusing and unpredictable primary candidate. By now he's turned into a bore. Like a TV reality show that is out of gas and about to be cancelled."

"His show ends November 8th. But, as I said, I wish it could happen Friday."

"At least it looks as if Derek Hough is returning to Dancing, I said, "That'll help get us through September and October."