February 4, 2019--Warning Labels

Don't ask, but the other day I was looking at the yellow warning labels on my ladder. Things have come to that. 

I promise this is not an oblique route to talking about Trump. Tomorrow, State of the Union day, will be time enough for that.

My ladder is an 8-footer and has at least ten stick-on labels--

Maximum Load Capacity 225 LBS.
Walk Down Steps Backwards
Do Not Use Ladder Near Power Lines
Ensure Ladder is Fully Open and Locked Before Climbing
Do Not Overreach
Do Not Stand On Top Step
Do Not Use Top Step As a Little Table to Eat Pizza
Do Not . . .

Some of these warnings are required by OSHA. Others, Rona says, are written by the ladder companies' lawyers. If you fall on a power line and get electrocuted (mine is an aluminum ladder) you were forewarned and thus are not likely to be able to sue successfully for damages. 

It would be my own damn fault--didn't I see the warning label? I could, after all, have bought a wooden ladder. Then I'd have to be instructed not to use it near an open fire. Though probably it would be good to be advised about that even with an aluminum ladder. 

Later in the day, at dinner, we had glasses of Tormaresca, a nice Puglian Chardonnay. 

Reading the label, Rona said, "Did you ever notice this before?"

"What's the 'this'?"

"The warning label."

"I have seen the warning to women that drinking wine during pregnancy can cause birth defects."

"There's more." Rona rolled her eyes. "Let me read it to you because I too only remember the warning to pregnant women. It says, 'Consumption of alcoholic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery and may cause health problems.'"

"Duh," I said, "This means don't have a glass or two of wine at lunch and then expect to be able to use your backhoe to drive home. On the other hand when we go to Cafe Boulud for our once-a-year lunch and have a Super Tuscan we're unlikely to use our backhoe to get there. There's always Uber."

"And what kind of health problems are they warning about? Shouldn't they list the medical problems as they do on the TV ads for, say, Xarelto?"

"Let me look them up." Rona googled Xarelto. "It's a long list but let me read a few of the possible side effects. I'll leave out the goriest ones."

"Thanks in advance for that. I don't want to lose my appetite"

She read--

• Blood in urine
• Coughing up blood
• Nosebleeds
• Bleeding gums
• Dizziness or fainting
• Blurry vision
• Numbness or tingling in the legs
• Rash
• Itching
• Trouble breathing or swallowing

"Sounds scary," I said.

"That's the point," Rona said, "Actually, it's also to cover their behinds, legally speaking."

(Full disclosure--I made up the pizza warning.)