September 20, 2019--Dancing With Spicy

I assume you do not watch Dancing With the Stars. On the other hand don't make that assumption about me. In fact, I rarely miss an episode. 

I do not watch a lot of network TV. Actually, basically none. But there I am every Monday night during DWTS season keeping an eye on the time so as not to miss even a minute of silliness. That silliness provides a couple of hours of distraction from Trump stuff and the intensifying twinges of aging.

Since you likely do not tune in, here's how DWTS works:

The program each season starts out with about a dozen "stars." Stars in quotes as almost all are either has-beens seeking a final turn in the spotlight or never in their day stars of the first magnitude. DWTS stars include Bachelorette contestants, gimpy retired football players, and the like.

They are teamed up with professional dancers who during the week leading up to Mondays teach their star partners enough of a semblance of dancing to get through 90-second routines. Remarkably, some of those the judges and at-home audience vote to continue get to be pretty good. Which, when I think about my own clumsy moves on the dance floor, is amazing. 

The initial group typically includes at least one star who has no physical aptitude whatsoever. They are there for comic relief and over the seasons have included Cloris Leachman, Mr. T, Governor Rick Perry, and Geraldo. As such, they tend to receive low scores and are typically voted off during the first few weeks.

This season filling the clown role is Trump's first press secretary, Sean Spicer. A perfect choice on multiple levels. He can't dance at all and he didn't need to stretch very far to come off as a joke. He had plenty of time to perfect that role during his daily White House press briefings. And in case anyone missed the point that he was also a malevolent presidential apologist, Melissa McCarthy on Saturday Night Live got it right when she imitated him, including using a motorized podium to mow down the gathered press corps.

Best of all, Spicer didn't realize he was there for comic relief. He thought it was because he's a cool person, which makes his assignment to the clown role even funnier. The joke, it turns out is on him.

Monday, Spicer, dressed in a neon green Desi-Arnaz-style Babaloo shirt, danced a version of a salsa. It was so awful that he received the second lowest scores, one point higher than ex-NBA basketball player and Kardashian husband, Lamar Odom. Also there for comic relief, no longer, I assume, living in a Ls Vegas brothel.

Trumpian that he still is, Spicy sensed that the Deep State and satanic forces were responsible for his low scores. He especially blamed the judges in his after-the-show Twitter posting. He tweeted--

“Clearly those judges are not going to be with me. Let’s send a message to #Hollywood that those of us who stand for #Christ won’t be discounted.”

And here I thought his appearance was for comic relief. I didn't realize it was about the Second Coming.