April 13, 2105--Kosher Section

Everyone has their airline stories. Mostly not good ones.

Mine include a flight from New York City to Buffalo where my seat mate--a 10-year-old--threw up all over me; another between Atlanta and Newark where to my left there was a chimpanzee in a suit and fedora (yes, that really happened); and one from Washington, again to Newark, where the passenger in the cramped middle seat (I had the one by the window) weighed at least 300 pounds and took up so much room that if there was an emergency, he couldn't get out of his seat without significant help and I would have had to climb over him. And we've all had cranky, screaming babies behind us who spent the entire flight kicking our chair backs.

I could go on. As I'm sure you could

With the very overweight passenger, I rang the call button to let the cabin crew member know how his bulk created a safety hazard. I asked that he be relocated or required to purchase two seats. But it was a full flight and my protest was to no avail and so I held my breath for the entire flight. Fortunately there were no incidents, it was on time, and after a couple of hours I was able to extract myself from my seat and stretch my legs.

I was reminded about these flights the other day when the New York Times reported about another seat-assignment problem--ultra-orthodox Jews on flights to Europe and Israel who refuse to sit next to any women not their wives.

This is not some quirky thing for Hasidic men. They are forbidden by their rabbis from having pretty much anything to do with women to whom they are not married, including family members. And even with their wives there are strict rules about courtship (there is not much--most marriages are arranged), touching, and sexual behavior.

For example, at Hasidic weddings the men and women party in separate rooms, dancing with each other, and for that small part of the celebration where the men and women come together and even dance they are not allowed to touch each other's bodies, any part of their partner's body. In place of hand-on-hand touching, partners use a handkerchief that the groom holds at one end and his bride the other. It's all spelled out and choreographed in great detail.

About sexual practices, I leave that to you to do the googling. One tease--check out how husbands' and wives' beds are to be arranged, allegedly including a sheet separating them so that . . . Well, do your own research.

And when the ultra-orthodox need to interact with the world beyond their self-imposed ghettoes, there are all sorts of other rules they are required to follow, including behavior on airplanes.

In addition to not being permitted to sit next to any women to whom they are not married, I have been on flights to Israel where I witnessed all the Hasids on board organizing themselves for evening and then, overnight, morning prayers. God help you (pun intended) if you need to go to the bathroom at those times.

According to a recent article in the New York Times, disputes about seating are increasing. So much so that it is now routine that flights between the States and Israel are routinely delayed as Hasidic passengers request and even insist on seat changes. And more and more secular flyers are refusing to give up their seats. Some women, for example, find the whole matter sexist and for that reason alone do not agree to switch seats to enable an ultra-orthodox passenger to protect himself from inadvertently touching a female seat mate.

I have a solution--set up a kosher section on planes to Tel Aviv. Just as there used to be smoking sections. One can already order kosher food so why not kosher seats?

And while we're at it, let's have a section for children and parents. The maybe another one with bariatric seats for the obese. And perhaps a special section for . . .

December 24, 2013--Pre-Reclined

I have very long legs and even under the best of circumstances am not comfortable on a long trip when flying coach. I even once developed the beginning of a case of Deep Vein Thrombosis as the result of being packed in like a sardine on a flight from New York to Raleigh-Durham.

Now, with nearly every flight sold out, to extract more money from the flying public, airlines are finding ways to cram in more seats at the expense of even normal-height customers.

The New York Times has the details.

First, airlines have been reducing the amount of space between rows of seats. From about 34 inches twenty years ago to between 30 and 32 now. When it comes to airline seats, every inch literally counts. Two fewer inches means that one's knees are crammed against the seat ahead even if it is in the full-upright position. And this in turn makes it virtually impossible to recline since, if you care, it means crippling the person in the seat behind.

To create  a sliver more seat space--and I mean a "sliver"--airlines are making seats out of cheesier, thinner materials. Less padding in the seat back means maybe an extra quarter-inch of space. And, of course, for any flight of more than an hour this means you arrive at your destination with an aching back, hardly ready for an arduous day of business meetings.

Air carriers are also reducing the angle of the pitch of seats, which makes it nearly impossible when flying from Houston to Newark to recline enough to be able to take a nap.

In fact, since passengers are so angry about cabin discomfort there are increasing numbers of fights breaking out among travelers. We have all had the experience of the person being crushed in the seat behind us repeatedly jabbing his knees into our backs in an effort to get us to keep our seats upright.

Spirit Airlines, one of the newer low-cost airlines, to avoid fisticuffs among flyers, is installing seats that do not recline at all. Ever clever in the way they spin the benefits of making passengers miserable, they call this "pre-reclined" seating. As if one is getting special treatment such as "pre-boarding."

In those cabin configurations where seats still recline, albeit if less than in the past, frustrated customers have taken to using seat-jamming devices known commercially as "knee guards." Passengers jam them in the mechanisms of seats in front to prevent being maimed by reclined seats. The airlines are not happy about this but have little choice since incipient mass rebellion is close at hand.

Then I have another concern that is not about comfort--safety.

This is not yet part of the discussion; but if in an emergency it is impossible to pull oneself out of a claustrophobic seat to make one's way to an exit, isn't that something the FAA should be concerned about?

If fire departments set limits on the number of seats that can be installed in a movie theater or even a restaurant, is there no limit to what the airlines can get away with in their quest for profits? In addition, with passengers on average 20 pounds heavier than a few decades ago, obesity too compounds the hazard.

In the meantime, I am using my frequent flyer miles to get upgraded to business class. I do feel a little guilty when I see coach passengers glaring at me resentfully as they proceed down the aisle, knowing they will be tortured for hours while I will at least be able to recline.