May 16, 2016--Transgenderness

The things we manage to make ourselves crazy about.

At the moment--transgender toilets.

Last week the Obama administration notified all school districts that they must allow transgender children to use toilets for the gender for which they identify. For example, a physiological boy, if he identifies as female, would be allowed to use the girls' bathroom.

If schools fail to do so, they could expect to see their federal funding curtailed. No Trio money to support tutoring and other services for disadvantaged children, no support for Head Start, and if they have Race to the Top school reform money that too might be terminated.

As could have been predicted, though a few said they supported the new guidelines, for the most part school administrators, parents, and local elected officials went, well, ballistic. Some because of deep belief, others because it is an irresistible Culture War issue to demagogue. Perfect for the likes of Ted Cruz who is now back in the Senate but still fulminating.

Do we really need this hot button controversy? There are identity issues to be sure as well as practical ones. Also, what alternative is available for children who might be made uncomfortable by this edict? If transgender students have rights don't those who do not want to share bathrooms with them also have rights? How many different kinds of designated bathrooms do we need--for boys only, for girls only, for boys who are OK with sharing stalls with transgender girls, for girls who are accommodating to transgender boys who identify female.

I get both sides of this and, as a practical person, propose a simple solution. Far from perfect, here's what I suggest--

Transgender chidden should be allowed to use the toilet set aide for the school nurse. Pretty much every school has one. It's private and little used.

To put this in perspective, it is estimated that there are 700,000 transgender Americans. About 0.3 percent of the population. This includes adults as well as school-age children. This means that there might be up to 200,000 transgender students attending public schools. There are nearly 100,000 public schools in America. This means that in a 2,000-student high school, there might be 2 to 4 transgender students. 470-student elementary schools (the national average) would have disproportionately fewer. In some cases none at all; in other instances typically 1 or 2.

Whatever the number, it would hardly be a burden on the school nurses to share these lockable toilets with a few kids. And since many students do not even use the bathroom during the school day, what are we fighting about?

But then there is the stigmatization issue. It is very complicated being a transgender person. Especially for a young child. To be singled out for bathroom use as I am proposing could contribute to some children feeling exposed. Thus the mainstreaming movement for special-needs kids. To put them in classes with "typical" children rather than, as in the past, have special classes and in some cases separate schools for them.

But these children use "handicap" toilets and by doing so call attention to their differences. In bullying environments, this can be very disturbing. On the other hand, it reflects real life and a world that is often not accepting of any form of difference--color, religion, ethnicity, attractiveness, academic prowess, athletic ability, sexuality. School are not isolated from the rest of society. They reflect it. The good, the bad, the ugly.

Bottom line--people, including young ones, need to figure out how to live in the wider world. Especially when it is unfair. This may be one of those situations.

And isn't it ironic that this smoldering controversy is calling heightened attention to kids struggling with these issues. I am not sure this extra attention is helpful to them.

December 31, 2104--Crimean War

We have a friend who has a precocious four-year-old. He spends some time in preschool but, since both parents work, his grandparents also spend a lot of time with him.

This past year, during parent-teacher night at the school, our friends heard from their child's teacher that he is, of course, bright and delightful; but, the teacher also confided she doesn't understand why little Edward spends so much time thinking about war. Especially the wars in Afghanistan and the Crimea.

The parents too were puzzled, but on the way home realized that their son's grandfather, a retired history professor, must spend time talking with his grandchild about his interest in that complicated region of the world.

I said to Rona, half facetious, "He may be only four-years-old but already he has an interesting thing to write about when it comes time to apply to college--How my grandfather, when I was very young, taught me about the Crimean War."

"What a leg up that is. I mean, with all the pressure on young children to think about college even before they're toilet trained, Eddie is off to a running start."

"He's in his own version of Head Start," I said. "But think about all the other children who, even at four, barely know their alphabet or numbers."

"Or, have people in their lives who pay deep attention to them much less expose them to anything beyond play things."

"And these advantages and disadvantage as time goes by. Just a few days ago there was a story in the New York Times about college guidance counselors."

"I saw that," Rona said, "How even at places like Midwood High School in Brooklyn, still one of the best public high schools in the City, where almost all the kids plan to go to college, with nearly 800 seniors applying to college there are only two college counselors."

"And how they have a hard time keeping up with the paperwork much less getting to know any of the seniors well enough to be able to write individualized letters of recommendation for them. Letters that all the selective colleges colleges require."

"And it's even worse at most other high schools where the ratio of students to counselors is more 500-to-one."

"I read that at Midwood where parents are mainly middle class there are volunteers who help with clerical chores like stuffing and mailing thousands of applications."

"In the 21st century where we're trying to be globally competitive and know that to be viable most young people need as much education as possible this is going on."

"Sad," I said.

"Think about how fortunate little Edward is."

"Even though he's too young to know that."

"The advantages nonetheless pile up."

"Let's not think too much about this today. It's New Years Eve."

"I hope we'll be able to stay up late enough to see the ball drop."