November 1, 2005--Pack Up Your Bible In Your Old Kit Bag
I’m old enough to remember hearing about all those Army “training films,” the ones that graphically revealed what would happen to a young and randy recruit during his (sorry, but “his”) time in the flesh pots of Europe. I’ll spare you the medical details, the running sores, etc.
But in the spirit that one can always improve on a good idea, our men and, yes, women in Iraq and Afghanistan now have something else to take with them when they go off to serve in those, well, not exactly flesh pots: According to a story in the Sunday NY Times (see link), now, thanks to the New Life Ministries, they also have a five-book kit that will help them avoid pornography (where would they find that anyway in Iraq?), nonmarital sex (who there would consider marrying them?), and, my favorite, masturbation (that they probably could figure out how to do in Afghanistan or for that matter pretty much anywhere).
One book from the kit says—“You are sexually pure when no sexual gratification comes from anyone or anything but your wife.” I sort of get the “anyone,” but what might that “anything” be about?
There is a back-story here—evidentially since so many reservists are serving such long terms because we have an inadequately-sized standing army (thank you Rummy), the war in Iraq has created unusually high sexual and marital tensions. Divorce rates, especially in the army, have risen dramatically, more than double the rate of other wars. Thus, these books are more needed than ever.
Since I suspect you won’t be racing out to your nearest Barnes and Noble, let me pass along a sampling of what would be available to you if you had only enlisted (it’s not too late)—
From Every Man’s Battle: “Your maleness looms as your own worst enemy [except maybe as a warrior?]. You got into this mess by being male [actually, I thought you got into this mess because of the actions of the Bush administration]; you’ll get out of it by being a man.”
And from Every Woman’s Battle: “Society has twisted our minds into thinking that if we are drawn to someone, we must want to have sex with them [and I had all along thought this was a part of God’s grand design for us to be fruitful and multiply—but what do I know].
This sort of makes me long for the Taliban. And now I get the burkas—with them you don’t need to schlep around all these books!
But in the spirit that one can always improve on a good idea, our men and, yes, women in Iraq and Afghanistan now have something else to take with them when they go off to serve in those, well, not exactly flesh pots: According to a story in the Sunday NY Times (see link), now, thanks to the New Life Ministries, they also have a five-book kit that will help them avoid pornography (where would they find that anyway in Iraq?), nonmarital sex (who there would consider marrying them?), and, my favorite, masturbation (that they probably could figure out how to do in Afghanistan or for that matter pretty much anywhere).
One book from the kit says—“You are sexually pure when no sexual gratification comes from anyone or anything but your wife.” I sort of get the “anyone,” but what might that “anything” be about?
There is a back-story here—evidentially since so many reservists are serving such long terms because we have an inadequately-sized standing army (thank you Rummy), the war in Iraq has created unusually high sexual and marital tensions. Divorce rates, especially in the army, have risen dramatically, more than double the rate of other wars. Thus, these books are more needed than ever.
Since I suspect you won’t be racing out to your nearest Barnes and Noble, let me pass along a sampling of what would be available to you if you had only enlisted (it’s not too late)—
From Every Man’s Battle: “Your maleness looms as your own worst enemy [except maybe as a warrior?]. You got into this mess by being male [actually, I thought you got into this mess because of the actions of the Bush administration]; you’ll get out of it by being a man.”
And from Every Woman’s Battle: “Society has twisted our minds into thinking that if we are drawn to someone, we must want to have sex with them [and I had all along thought this was a part of God’s grand design for us to be fruitful and multiply—but what do I know].
This sort of makes me long for the Taliban. And now I get the burkas—with them you don’t need to schlep around all these books!
posted by Steven Zwerling at
2:47 PM
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