June 28, 2007--Happy Birthday Mom!

To get to 98 in itself is an accomplishment. But in truth less and less so thanks to modern medicine. I believe the fastest growing cohort in the U.S, population is nonagenarians. So my mother fits right there in the middle of that trend.

And since there are so many around who are in their nineties, not only are there all sorts of institutions and services emerging, including many levels of residence and care, there are also many new ways of relating to the “new old.” I find most of them patronizing.

I hate it when a staff member at the retirement residence where my mother lives says, in a voice that sounds as if she is addressing a two-year old, “Why Mr. Shapiro, you look wonderful today. I hope you enjoy your Canasta game.” Mr. Shapiro having been a major architect in his day still reads all of the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal and manages all of his investments and deserves to be addressed in a different tone of voice and should be doing more that having his day center around a card game. Though he is quiet a Canasta shark.

Here I am doing the same thing! Shame on me.

My mother plays a little Canasta, also works her way through the Times, dong the crossword puzzle every day, in ink, and manages to balance her check book and other accounts to the penny—something I find impossible to do.

She also has maintained a wide circle of friends, sadly shrinking most every month, and family. Especially family. She is the last of her generation to survive and takes that role very seriously. I always say to her that "I know on that distant day when you join you parents and sisters and brother and the others at Mount Lebanon Cemetery, you want to give them a full report. And you want to bring them nothing but good news." And since she does, she not only worries about everyone but is also the source of the frankest, soundest advice to all of us, particularly to those of the youngest generation who from time to time flounder.

Also, at her residence, she is everyone’s angel of mercy. She volunteered to be the one to send get-well cards to neighbors who are hospitalized and condolence cards to children and grandchildren when a resident dies. This puts her in touch with a steady stream of serious illness and death, not something one would expect someone of her age to want to do—quite the opposite. But she has taken this on and does it, indominantly, with class and grace.

So when you see her passing by, don’t tell her to have a nice day. Ask her what she thinks about the controversy surrounding the Da Vinci Code or how we as a people should treat immigrants. If you do, make sure you have a half hour to spare because what she has to say will take at least that long to discuss.

Happy birthday mom!