August 10, 2006--The Humvee Phone

Dick Cheney was right after all. True, he got a few specifics wrong, but in big picture terms what he predicted came true. He said that US troops would be welcomed as liberators in Iraq. That not only were Iraqis eager to be free of Saddam, but they also craved a Western way of life, including American consumer and cultural products such as cable TV and Hollywood movies. Maybe this hasn't worked out that well because to enjoy this bounty you need electricity, and we know that's in short supply. But at least we have enabled pretty much everyone who wants to be hip to get cell phones.

The NY Times reports that the number of cell phones in use increased to 7.1 million from 1.4 million in just two years (article linked below). But of course, as with so much else over there, the Iraqis are using them a little differently that we are over here.

First of all, our cell phones have boring names such as Nokia 3660 and Motorola V66, whereas those in Baghdad have nicknames such as the Apache (for the helicopter), Afendi (which is the Turkish word for “dapper”), and the ever-popular $800 Humvee (named for you know what).

Text messaging is quite popular, but again with a difference. In Iraq the most popular text image is that of a skeleton and the favorite voice mail message is “Your call cannot be completed because the subscriber has been kidnapped.”

This gallows humor is also available via video images. One of the most popular clips shows a masked man with a knife who cuts off the head of a fish because, as he says on the tape, “All the fish did not come out of the sea.” Get it? No? I guess you had to be there.

For some reason the religious police are not confiscating these fancy phones. One might think that Islamic extremists might, seeing them as yet another example of Western imperialism, sort of like MTV. For example, in May they murdered a tennis coach and two of his players because they were wearing shorts. So why are they OK with cell phones? What might be going on here?

It’s apparently because insurgents use cell phones to talk with each other about where to meet to set up their ambushes, and also find these phones to be very useful as detonating devices for their bombs.

On the other hand, they do not use the Humvee model for that purpose because it costs $800. Rather they use cheap phones since they get blown up in the explosions. Makes sense.