May 22, 2012--Vav-Chip

While flipping through Monday's New York Times, there, unexpectedly in the first section, not the sports section, was a picture of Citi Field, home to the New York Mets, filled to the rafters.

"They're covering the Mets as news?" I wondered out loud.

"What are you talking about?" Rona asked, half interested. "Did anything newsworthy happen there?"

"Not really," I said, "expect maybe considering their no-name lineup they're doing better than than $200-million Yankees. Could be that that's worth a news story."

"Let me see," she reached across to snatch the paper away from me.  "Look at this more carefully, the stands are filled with ultra-orthodox Jews."

"Who?"

"Hassidim."

"There to watch the Mets play the Blue Jays?  But aren't the Mets on the road up in Toronto?"

"How would I know. You know I don't like baseball, except the Yankees when Mariano is pitching."

"All these Jews were at Citi Field on Sunday," I said, looking more closely at the paper, "it seems for a rally--let me see if I have this right--yes, to oppose the use of the Internet."

"It's not Kosher or something?"

"Not exactly. It was because of all the 'filth' on the Internet, as the rabbis told the crowd. And it was a big crowd. At least 40,000. Ironic, since average attendance there when the Mets play is only about half that. In fact, it says here, the organizers also had to rent nearby Arthur Ashe Stadium to hold the overflow crowd of another 20,000. Incredible."

"Let me see," Rona again took hold of the paper. "Just as I expected."

"What's that?"

"They only allowed men to attend. The rebbes think they know their flock. Just men are interested in 'filth'? They'd be horrified to know about what goes on these days at bachelorette parties."

"What does go on at those parties? Chippendale dancers?"

"You're so out of it. That was 50 years ago."

"So now . . . ?"

Ignoring me, Rona said, "If they wanted to they could have segregated the women up in the stadium's third tier. In the cheap seats. Just like in the shuls where the women are relegated to the balcony and have to sit behind a curtain. So the men praying below won't see them and be tempted."

"Listen to this one," I said, having retrieved the paper, "to make sure everyone could hear and understand their exhortations the rabbis had their words projected on the Jumbotron screen, which usually flashes 'Let's Go Mets!'"

"My favorite thing," Rona offered, looking over my shoulder, "is that one the sponsors of the rally was Ichud Hakehilos Letohar Hamachane--not exactly a household name--but a company that sells software that filters out 'inappropriate' Internet content for the ultra-orthodox."

"Sort of like a Jewish V-Chip?"

"From the Hebrew alphabet, the Vav-Chip."

"Exactly."