June 26, 2013--Aisle 3

To stock up, Hannaford supermarket is our go-to place in Maine.

When we open the house for the season, we need to buy everything from Pellegrino water to Hellmann's mayo to Dijon, Guldens, French's, Chinese, and Bavarian mustards to olives to beer to yogurt to orange juice to butter to . . . You get the picture.

What we typically do is start at the produce section and begin to load up the first of two shopping carts with onions, garlic, potatoes, lemons and other staples. We then proceed to work our way up and down every aisle until both carts are overflowing with pasta, tomato sauce, napkins, paper towels, toilet paper, and pretzels.

We need to do this because over the winter we leave nothing in the house for varmints who love pretzels and especially to gnaw on paper towels.

Pretzels, are found in aisle 3, one side of which is devoted to them and chips and such while the other is completely stocked with sodas and other sugary non-carbonated beverages.

This is Maine where land is plentiful and so your typical Hannafords is huge by New York City standards and each aisle is at least 50 yards long. So, the other day, finding ourselves in one of these endless aisles, surrounded on both sides by snack foods and soda was overwhelming. Fifty feet of snack foods? Another 50 of soft drinks?

"Was this aisle always so full of this stuff?" I asked no one in particular. "I seem to remember last year that pretzels and potato chips took up much less space."

"I think you're right," Rona said, "this tremendous expansion of munchies probably reflects the fact the the population here is getting younger and snack foods and soda are staples for many young people."

"And people are probably getting poorer; and as anyone who notices knows, low-income people, when they can, treat themselves to these kind of eating pleasures."

Pleasures such as--

Pringles Snack Stack Originals
Act II Butter Lovers Popcorn
Act II Movie Theater Butter Popcorn
Akmak Armenian Cracker Bread
Andy Capp's Cheddar Fries
Andy Capp's Hot Fries
Annie's Cheddar Bunny Crackers
Annie's Original Bunny Snack Mix
Austin's Toasted Peanut Butter Crackers
Bachman's Baked Jax
Baked Crunchy Cheetos
Baked Tostitos Scoop Tortilla Chips

And on the other side of the aisle, opposite the chips--

Diet Right Tangerine Soda
Sunkist Orange Soda
Crush orange Soda
Dr. Pepper
Polar Diet Pomegranate Soda
Schweppes Club Soda
A&W Root Beer
A&W Diet Cream Soda
My Essentials Peach Soda

And then the Cokes--

Coke Classic
Diet Coke
Cherry Coke
Caffeine Free Coke
Diet Caffeine Free Coke
Coca-Cola Zero
Coca Coal Cherry Zero
Coca Cola Vanilla Zero
Diet Coke Zero
Diet Coke With Splenda
Diet Coke Lime

While I was making the list and moaning about what has became of America, Rona said, "Look at this." She was pointing at one of our bulging shopping carts.

"What are you looking at?"

"The mustards."

"What about the mustard?"

"How many do we have?"

"Dijon and Guldens. We use them all the time."

"Five mustards. We have five mustards and you're making a big deal about Coca Cola?"

"Touché," I said, "And while we're in aisle 3," I added sheepishly, "we do need some Caffeine Free Diet Coke."