November 27, 2017--Duffer In Chief

During his campaign for the presidency, nominee Donald Trump repeatedly criticized Barak Obama for spending so much time on the golf course. Among other things, in dog-whistle terms, this meant black people are lazy.

Trump tweeted--

"Can you believe that, with all of the problems and difficulties facing the U.S., President Obama spent the day playing golf."

He also said that Obama "plays more golf than Tiger Woods." (More dog whistle.)


Then about himself, on the campaign trail, he said, "If I'm elected I'm going to be working for you. I'm not going to have time to play golf."

Well, the facts are that Obama didn't play his first round of golf until about the 100th day of being sworn in while Trump's first round, at his golf course in Palm Beach, occurred just two weeks after he was inaugurated. 


And this past weekend, again in residence at his Palm Beach pleasure palace (and for-profit private club), he played the 80th round of golf of his presidency. Since he had been in office just a little more than 300 days, 80 rounds means he golfed on 27 percent of them.

A few months ago when pressed to explain this blatant hypocrisy, he claimed he only plays golf with world and congressional leaders. In other words, rather than playing for fun he was working. Like his times on the tee with Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe. 

To be fair, there is some truth here--riding around in a golf cart with the likes of Abe or, twice each, senators Rand Paul and Lindsey Graham can not only be relaxing but productive. Deals can get struck. Like pressuring and flattering Lindsey to get him to vote to repeal Obamacare.

But in truth, the list of world leaders who have been Trump golfing companions includes only the Japanese prime minister. Neither President Xi of China nor German Chancellor Angela Merkel have taken divots with him. His companions have mostly been professional golfers, other athletes, and a few small-time business executives such as Mike Fasio, CEO of Prime Staffing, a New York based employment agency.

And what about his round of golf last Friday with Tiger Woods? How does this fit into Trump's golf/work paradigm? 

It's heard to imagine that Trump and Tiger conversed about tax reform (except perhaps to chuckle about how much each of these very wealthy men would see their taxes cut) or what to do about North Korea.

My sources tell me that they spoke about more personal issues--

The sort of thing two well-known ladies men discuss in the "locker room" or 19th hole--favorite places for such talk. That's how Trump tried to explain being caught on tape joking around with Billy Bush about how easy it is to get laid when you're a "star."

"So, Tiger," he might have said, "What's going on with you these days, and I'm not talking about your golf swing?" I can imagine a presidential wink.

"My back is feeling better," Tiger would say, "I'm hoping to get back in action soon." Imagine a Tiger wink.

"That means you haven't been getting any lately?" Continue to imagine winks.

"Not so much in person," Tiger likely said, "But I do like texting. I know you do too."

"I don't want to get caught like that Weiner--can you believe his name, by the way--or that loser congressman from Texas who just got exposed last week. Pardon the pun. Burton, Barton, I forget his name. What a bunch of losers. I'm so busy these days trying to concentrate on what's going on with that damn Congress and that low life Mueller that I haven't been able to get out much. Or watch most of my favorite TV shows. And every time I turn around Steve Bannon is on the phone or Ivanka wants me to do something for women."

"Been there, done that," Tiger would say. "These women won't leave you alone."

Trump would sigh, "You know what I said to that jerk relative of low-energy Jeb Bush, Billy whatever, about how easy it is to get women when you're famous? Can you imagine what I could be gettin' now that I'm president? Look what Kennedy and Johnson and Clinton got their hands on. All Democrats by the way. Or got into, if you know what I mean. I could use some of that. This is a hard job--they even wake you up in the middle of the night every time that short, fat guy shoots off a rocket. I wish Dennis Rodman could work out a deal with him so I could get some sleep. And everyone has their eyes on me. Can you believe that the Secret Service knows every time I have to take a leek?"

Tiger would say something commiserating.