February 26, 2021--More Slime

If there's any room left on your slime meter, here's more from Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell.

After blasting Trump when the Senate voted not to remove him from office, on Fox News yesterday, Mitch said--

He would "absolutely" support former President Trump if in 2024 he became the GOP presidential nominee.

What? Say that again--

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell said Thursday he would "absolutely" support former President Trump if he became the GOP presidential nominee in 2024.

He actually said that?

I'm afraid so.

"Why?" you might ask.

Not because Mitch cares about Kentucky, not because he cares about the county, but because he cares about one thing. Only one thing.

He has wet dreams at night when thinking about returning to power.

Mitch believes that if Trump runs and wins his coat tails will drag enough Republicans across the finish line in senatorial races to make him Majority Leader again.

It's as simple and slimy as that. 

February 23, 2021--Dirty Old Man

In the old days when we looked up the meaning of words we used a dictionary rather than the Internet.

And those days there were pictures to illustrate the definitions. So, for example, accompanying the meaning of crook there might be a picture of Al Capone.

Then for dirty old man there would be a picture of . . . so many choices. Too many.

Well, there would be a picture of Rudy Giuliani.

If you are wondering why he's top of my list, did you hear what he said last week about Michele Wie on Steve Bannon's podcast, "War Room?" Wie is one of the greatest female golfers ever.

Licking his chops, Rudy said-

"On the green is Michelle Wie and she is getting ready to putt. Michelle Wie is gorgeous. She's six feet. And she has a strange putting stance. She bends all the way over. And her panties show. And the press was going crazy."

Everything Trump touches needs to be fumigated.

February 19, 2021--Birding In Gotham

Only in New York City can a bird become a celebrity. It's happened before and right now is happening again. In Central Park.

According to the New York Times, in 2018 it was the famous Mandarin duck. Last October it was the widely-celebrated barred owl. And recently it's been a snowy owl.

All three avian species catapulted to celebrity status after they landed in Central Park, becoming the subject of news reports from Manhattan to India and attracting hoards of groupies, snapping away on their smartphones.

These rare glimpses of nature in the heart of New York elicit a dose of joy in the best of times. But those feelings are magnified during the pandemic, when so many people are seeking respite in the outdoors.

For those wondering if New York will ever recover enough from the pandemic to become its old top-of-the heap swaggering self, as long as an owl can become a bigger celebrity than Robert De Nero, not to worry. 

February 17, 2021--The Clown Car

Fewer than 30 days into his presidency, Joe Biden is already attracting a crowd--

More than a dozen aspirants for the 2020 presidential nomination.

At least six are governors, including Texas's own, Greg Abbott and Florida's Ron DeSantis. Neither one a member of Mensa.

And thus far there are at least nine current or former senators. 

Here's where the fun begins since this undistinguished group includes the well-known man of no principals, Ted Cruz, who, after despising  him, now loves Tump and wants to succeed him.

Not to be outdone is up-and-coming Senator Josh Hawley. From the Show-Me state, the only thing he has to show anyone is his fealty to the insurrectionists.

Of course, don't forget Poor Lindsey.

So, it's time to take the Clown Car off its winter blocks and put on another coat of Simonize.

But before filling the tank with gas (gas, get it?) we should make two stops to pick up a couple of other aspirants who have a thing or two on their resumés that smack of actual integrity--Mitt Romney and Liz Chaney.

Jared, Ivanka, and Don Junior can get themselves wherever. 

February 15, 2021--57-43

Depressed by the vote in the Senate not to convict Trump, struggling to keep my usual and often naive optimism intact, angry that only seven Republican senators had enough courage (some might use more vivid language) to cross party lines to sanction the former president, I took another look at the numbers.

Yes, though still only seven Republicans voted with all the Democratic senators to convict Trump, I noticed for the first time that those seven plus the 50 Democrats added up to a total of 57 "yes" votes, which felt more optimistic than a party-line 50-50 tie.

Admittedly, even to me at my most self-deluding, 57-43 doesn't get one that close to the two-thirds (67) required to convict the felon in chief.

But I soothed myself by remembering that rarely in impeachment history have there been more than a very few, not more than two totally, who crossed party lines to join members of the opposition party. 

Seven made this crossing this time.

So what does it all mean?

Maybe not that much. But perhaps it signals that as the Whigs morphed into Lincoln Republicans, significant numbers of Republicans now might consider pursuing a similar contemporary political metamorphosis. 

After all the Trump and Republican outrages there may just be the votes for that. There is evidence that this is already happening.

February 12, 2021--Poor Lindsey

The other day, poor Lindsey Graham said the impeachment trial of Trump is "a waste of time." 

This got me wondering why he was being so impatient.

Yes, it's a long weekend and he is alone, a "confirmed bachelor, and one could imagine how having to hang out in South Carolina would not be his favorite thing.

But then I realized he must have a tee time waiting at Mar-a-Lago.

And though he committed suicide, Jeffrey Epstein must have left a few phone numbers behind from the last time he was there hanging out with his pal, the big guy.

February 9, 2021--Trump's Shabbos Problem

Unlike O.J. Simpson who assembled a dream team of defense attorneys who could help him get away with murder, Trump has different needs. 

He's already got the getting-away-with-murder business covered (recall what he said about shooting someone on Fifth Avenue) so for  his impeachment and upcoming trials for insurance and bank fraud, he needs mouth pieces who can arrange for so many delays that by the time all are ready to commence everyone will be so exhausted and bored that they'll want to move on after, at most, half a day of hearing evidence.

And, to cover for the possibility that the Senate might actually vote to convict him and, in the case of New York, send him up the river, Trump would benefit if he could assemble a team of lawyers who, for religious reasons, are forbidden to work on various days of the week.

We have a preview of this strategy right now as the Senate today is set to begin his second impeachment trial.

One of Trump's lawyers, David Schoen, is apparently an orthodox Jew (he comes to work wearing a yarmulke) and thus is not allowed to work on Friday afternoons or all day Saturday--Shabbos

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (who is Jewish) says not to worry--an "allowance will be made," Schoen will be "accommodated." 

Further, there will be more opportunities for delay as Monday is Presidents Day and the rest of next week is a holiday for Senators. They need to rest up from their last holiday, which was about 10 days ago.

Also, Purim is February 26th and, if Trump's people can make things drag on, Pesach, Passover, is March 28th through April 4th.

If the Jews on their own can't fill Trump's calendar, there are other holidays which can serve.

If Trump is smart, among the many other religious observances celebrated in New York City he can add are--

Losar (Buddhist-Tibetan New Year. February 24th)

Ash Wednesday (Christian holiday. February 26th)

Qingwing (Chinese national holiday. April 4th)

Navrati-Chaitra (Hindu festival. April 13th)

This strategy would allow Trump to run out the clock until at least 2024.

In the meantime, good yuntif.

February 8, 2021--The Canary

Steve Bannon may have been pardoned by Trump but that pardon covers only federal crimes. Thus, if there are reasons to indict and try him at the state level, those trials could proceed.

In Bannon's case, if he were indicted by or called as a witness in, say, New York, he could not claim that he has a blanket pardon that protects him from jeopardy. In addition he would not be allowed to hide behind the 5th Amendment.

Thus, for example, if the former president were indicted in New York, depending on the charges, Bannon could be required to testify against him.

It appears that Trump's former chief strategist is close to being prosecuted by Cy Vance, the New York City district attorney. 

Bannon is under investigation for a fund-raising scheme that allegedly defrauded people who donated significant money toward the building of Trump's border wall.

There's that pesty wall again.

It may come down to two choices for Bannon--Cop a plea. Make a deal with the DA in which he agrees to plead guilty and testifies against Trump in a negotiated arrangement that keeps him from having to spend a minimum of months behind bars. 

Or, Bannon takes his chances with a jury and goes on trial with the outcome for him uncertain.

This seems like an easy call to me.

And so if you hear Bannon practicing his scales, you'll know it's because he is about to be turned into a canary.

February 4, 2021--"Loony Lies"

Thus spake Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell when he was finally motivated to say something about the rampaging, QAnon-inspired  freshman Georgia congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene who, among other outrages, called for the "lynching" of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.

And, I almost forgot, wants to see Speaker Nancy Pelosi executed with a "bullet to the head."

And, I also forgot, claims the massacres at the Newtown and Parkland schools never occurred. They were "hoaxes."

And how could I have forgotten that "Jewish blue laser" that she is convinced ignited California's forest fires.

Quite a piece of work the GOP's Ms. Greene. And all this after just a couple of weeks in the House of Representatives. 

So the Republicans have a problem.

Trump loves her and that means wimpy but politically ambitious GOPers have to do likewise. Minimally, if they want to avoid being primaried by the Trump machine they need to kiss the Don's ring as well as parts of his lower anatomy, and not speak ill of his Georgia zombie clone.

House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy is struggling to carry out this mandate. He is already running for president and knows the path to the nomination runs through Mar-a-Lago.

Good luck with that as Melania can't wait to see Kevin and, of course, Lindsay again.

Thus McCarthy's quick trip last week to Trump's Florida place of exile to beg to be forgiven for uttering a word or two of softball criticism of Trump after the president led the January 6th insurrection at the capital and the Minority Leader's 90-minute talk with Greene Tuesday night, when it was reported, the pathetic Kevin beseeched her to recant or he'd have no choice but to consider removing her from the House Education Committee. 

About that I am sure she is not miserable because after all this publicity she has the potential to become this decade's Sarah Palin and the less time she is required to spend in Washington the better for her. Fame and money await.

One thing more--

Here is what senator McConnell said about congresswoman Greene earlier this week when he couldn't take it anymore.

On the Senate floor Mitch claimed that her "loony lies and conspiracy theories" amounted to "a cancer" on the Republican Party.

A Mitch loyalist, Sen Todd Young (D-Ind.) called her a "nutty House member."

And Mitt Romney chimed in, saying "the GOP has a big tent but it isn't large enough to accommodate conservatives and kooks like Marjorie Taylor Greene." 

In the current political climate, where avoiding responsibility for everything is a universal goal, the three senators, by comparison, came across reasonably well.

But McConnell labeling her a "looney," Young "Nutty,"and Romney a "kook" trivializes her offenses--calling for assassinations and mass murder-- especially if one adds a gender lens to the mix.

"The kooky little lady may have done some silly things but, you know, that's how they are when it comes to wanting to take over a man's role. It must be that time of the month."