June 18, 2021--Jack Is Back

 "So here's the deal--I know you hate me."

"True."

"I know you don't want to talk to me."

"Also true."

"So set a kitchen timer for five minutes and just listen while I do all the talking. I have something I want to tell you."

"Um."

"Deal?"

"Um."

Jack proceeded as if I agreed. I should have hung up but I confess to being curious about what he had to say after the January insurrection and Joe Biden becoming president. 

He said, "At times I hate myself as much as you hate me."

That surprised me and aroused my interest. Jack had never shown any signs of being interested in anything resembling introspection. Actually, quite the opposite. He is the most unexamined person I know.

"You know I love this country. I enlisted in the Marines when I was 18 and spent more than a year in Vietnam. Saw a lot of action and was wounded twice.

I knew all this which was half the reason over the years I listened to his Trump rants. Unlike me he paid his dues and I thought was entitled to a certain amount of respect for that alone. But for me he crossed the line too frequently after he became a Trumper. More than anything I couldn't stand to listen to his smug cynicism. Not quite a white supremicist, he came pretty close. So at some point I cut him off. I gave up on any possibility that he would mend his ways. And he didn't.

"I know you're thinking I want to chime in on the insurrection. That like a lot of white guys from my generation I've been signed up with QAnon.

"To tell you the truth I flirted around with them for more than a year. Went to their rallies--I was in Charlottsville--and thought long and hard about going to DC for the Trump rally before the inauguration. I believed the election was stolen by Biden's people

"I know none of this is a surprise to you. I bought pretty much the whole ticket."

It was hard to just listen to Jack without responding, but I didn't want to reengage with him. I paid those dues. I had tried that before but always came away in a rage, disappointed in myself for being susceptible to him. And so I kept my eye on the five-minute timer.

"Then things began to change." He was whispering as if he believed someone was listening in. 

"The antisemitism on display in Charlottsville about how the Jews will not replace us made me crazy. One thing I'm not is a bigot. I make friends with everyone. Close friends. I don't want to get into 'some-of-my-best-friends-are' . . . But it's true. 

"That decided me not to go to Washington. I didn't want to be in the same place with these racists. And didn't I make the right decision. I can't stand most of those Democrats in Congress. Like Bernie or AOCC, or whatever she's called. But like I told you I'm a patriot. I love this country. I was willing to give up my life for it. But I watched on TV what was happening in the Capital. That wasn't love of country. That was pure violence. Not love but fear and hate and racism.  Including insurrectionists attacking DC police with American flag-polls.

"That did it for me. To use our flag as a weapon against American citizens.

"It took me a few days to digest what I saw January 6th and decided I wanted to back away. I didn't want to do anything to encourage or support these people. I'm not ready for Kumbia or anything like that. But it's time to figure out ways we can at least talk with each other. Before it's too late."

There was a burst of static on the line. 

"Jack, Jack are you there?"

He had hung up well before the end of the five minutes.