December 4, 2018--Baby It's Cold Outside

Initially I didn't get it. 

The Huff Post among others reported that a Cleveland radio station has taken "Baby It's Cold Outside" off its playlist, saying that in the #MeToo era its lyrics represent a case of sexual harassment and coercion.

"Now I think we're going too far," I said to Rona, "I'm all for exposing and even putting Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein in jail--what they did was disgusting and are felonies--but are we now going to scrutinize lyrics of songs from the 1940s to see if they're offensive? The next thing we'll be doing is return to banning movies and books."

"I always thought," Rona said, "there's something creepy about that song."

"And I always thought of it as charming. I looked it up on Wiki and it's usually performed as a duet, as a form of racy dialogue between a man and a women. For example Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood and Willie Nelson and Nora Jones covered it. It's cold out and the man tries to get the woman to stay with him by the fire."

"Yeah, and have another drink and presumably go to bed with him."

"The drink part I don't remember but I agree that there's the implication that they might go to bed together."

"Implication? That's the whole point of the song. Let's read the lyrics and see what people are finding to be offensive.

I really can't stay - but baby it's cold outside I've got to go away - but baby it's cold outside This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop in So very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice My mother will start to worry And father will be pacing the floor - Listen to the fireplace roar So really I'd better scurry - Beautiful, please don't hurry Well, maybe just a half a drink more - Put some records on while I pour The neighbours might think - But baby it's bad out there Say, what's in this drink? - No cabs to be had out there I wish I knew how - Your eyes are like starlight now To break the spell - I'll take your hat, your hairs looks swell I ought to say no, no, no sir - Mind if I move in closer? At least I'm gonna say that I tried - What's the sense of hurting my pride? I really can't stay - Oh baby don't hold out Ah but it's cold outside - Baby it's cold outside I simply must go - But baby it's cold outside The answer is no -But baby it's cold outside The welcome has been - How lucky that you dropped in So nice and warm - Look out that window at that storm My sister will be suspicious - God your lips look delicious My brother will be there at the door - Waves upon a tropical shore My maiden aunt's mind is vicious - Gosh your lips are delicious Well, maybe just a cigarette more -Never such a blizzard before I got to get home - But baby you'd freeze out there Say, lend me a comb - It's up to your knees out there You've really been grand - I'm thrilled when you touch my hand Why don't you see - How can you do this thing to me? There's bound to be talk tomorrow - Think of my lifelong sorrow At least there will be plenty implied - If you caught pneumonia and died I really can't stay - Get over that hold-out Ah but it's cold outside - Ah but it's cold outside (Only the man:) Where could you be going When the wind is blowing And it's cold outside? (Both:) Baby it's cold, cold outside


I said, "It does feel a little slimy. It's almost a chronicle of date-rape."

"What's also at issue," Rona said, "is what the lyrics say about the sexual mores of that era. How a woman had to hide her sexuality. If she wanted sex she had to sneak around so as not to sully her reputation. The men, on the other hand, could boast about their conquests."

"But even if I agree with you isn't it tame by comparison to most of the rap songs out there which are often totally explicit? Are we going to start banishing them too?"

"That's a fair question. A lot of them are out-of-the-closet misogynist." Rona shrugged and said, "It's true that many are beyond offensive. But if I'm honest I don't know how to think about the bigger picture when it comes to popular music or, for that matter, literature and movies."

"Yet another thing that's more complicated that it at first seems.

February 13, 2018--#metoo

Friday afternoon, exasperated, Katy Tur on MSNBC, said, "All I'm hearing is 'he, he he.' Not a word about 'her.'"

She was referring to what she and the rest of us were hearing from Donald Trump about Rob Porter, his recently fired White House Staff Secretary. Though an ordinary-sounding job title, the Staff Secretary has frequent direct access to the president and is responsible for determining what printed material is given to the president to read or, in Trump's case, ignore.

To serve in that position, like his predecessors, Porter needed a top secret security clearance. Which he didn't have since the FBI, about a year ago, when reviewing his application, discovered that he had physically assaulted both of his ex-wives and thus did not approve assigning him that status.

Late Friday afternoon, in a virtually unprecedented move, unannounced, Trump invited the White House press corps into the Oval Office to take a few questions. It was no surprise that all of them were about Rob Porter. Trump had clearly thought carefully about what he would say.

At length, with a heavy-sounding heart, he spoke about what an exemplary employee Porter had been and how he would be missed. He called his departure "very sad" and that "we hope he will have a wonderful career." That "it's been a hard time for him."

He also reminded us that poor Porter had not been proven guilty, that he was merely the victim of allegations. There had not been due process. 

It was widely noted by Katy Tur and others that Trump spoke not a word about the women who had been physically assaulted. He didn't point out that what they had endured was also "sad" or offer the hope that they too would have "wonderful careers" or lives.

Over the weekend a little research revealed that with Trump there is a distinct pattern about these matters--when someone is accused of spousal abuse or sexual harassment, in all cases except Harvey Weinstein's, Trump totally ignored the women and consistently made excuses for the men.  

About Senate candidate Roy Moore in Alabama, who was credibly accused of molesting and raping minors, Trump,  not acknowledging the then girls, emphasized that Moore hadn't been convicted of anything. It was classic he-said-she-said though it was clear who Trump believed. 

And in the cases of campaign managers Cory Lewandowski and Steve Bannon, both accused by ex-wives of domestic violence, Trump did not seem concerned and stood by them when the accusations came to light.

Then, still fitting the pattern, when Fox News's Roger Ailes and Bill O'Reilly were exposed as serial sexual predators, Trump fell in line in support of them.

About Weinstein Trump couldn't resist joining the condemnation since he was a major donor to Hillary Clinton's and other Democrats' campaigns. And so he overcame his reluctance to criticizing the men and took a swipe at Weinstein, saying, with unintentional irony on the very anniversary of the notorious Billy Bush Access Hollywood tape, that he was "not at all surprised" by revelations that the movie mogul repeatedly paid to settle charges of sexual harassment. It was obvious that Trump was speaking from personal experience.

"Still missing from this discussion," Rona said, "is more analysis about Trump's reticence."

I said, "I think in general it's been claimed that he's a classic chauvinist right out of the era in which he, a spoiled rich kid, came of age. A world where powerful men felt free to sexually exploit women, especially in the workplace. Mad Men like."

"I think that's only a part of the story," Rona said, "More significant to me is that he himself has been charged with sexual misconduct by at least 15 women and that he allegedly raped Ivana, his first wife. So he is directly implicated in his own world of similar accusations. Thus to talk in a more balanced way about the current burst of sexual allegations would potentially force him to confront his own behavior. So, by making excuses for the men accused, men like Rob Porter, via the psychological mechanism of projection, he is making excuses for himself. Diminishing the claims of the women suing him by assigning or projecting his behavior onto them. 

"You remember the hashtag Maureen Dowd created for him in her Sunday column? Instead of #metoo, she came up with something more appropriate for him--#me." 

"Perfect," Rona said with a sad smile.

December 6, 2017--Why Words Matter

I received this comment from Hedy Rona yesterday about the outing of Metropolitan Opera musical director James Levine as a sexual predator--

I hear what you’re saying about going to the New York Times to read news reported in sleazeless/non tabloid-y ways. 

But to mince the words or temper the graphicness of the transgressions and crimes of the predators and harassers can leave all the good and genteel readers less outraged than they might or should be. 

If there are no actual photos as evidence that Matt Lauer or Harvey Weinstein showed a woman their penis (you know—picture being worth a thousand words) then the words used to report what happened need to be blunt, explicit, and factual. 

Though even with the president actually caught on tape saying so explicitly the things he did about grabbing women it still didn’t matter. Lots of people—lots of WOMEN!—voted for him! (And now we even have him saying he didn’t say those things and the tape was doctored. “Fake news!” But that’s another rant altogether.) 

Of course even when you have images that are as graphic as the Emmet Till murder or the bones of victims of genocide (pick a genocide, any genocide of the 20th century for irrefutable evidence that IT HAPPENED) there will still be the deniers. (To wit your story about someone you know in Maine refusing to believe that Mitt Romney, not Democrat governor Deval Patrick, signed the Massachusetts healthcare act even though there is a video of it on YouTube!). But those are the lost causes. The deaf ears the truth will never reach. 

Rather it’s the rational and reasonable people out there who for whatever reason doubt the full extent of the crimes and transgressions of the people who have been so admired. The people who can’t believe that the Matt Lauer they had their cereal with every morning is actually a perverted creep who belongs in stocks at a minimum. It’s just hard to believe what people are capable of. 

But that’s why the words matter.

November 20, 2017--Stupid

What do the following have in common?

Harvey Weinstein
Louis C.K.
Roy Moore
Al Franken
Mark Halperin
Bill Cosby
Kevin Spacey
Anthony Weiner
Gary Hart
George H.W. Bush
And, of course, Bill Clinton &
Donald Trump

Obviously, they all are among the best known sexual predators.

But in addition to using their power, wealth, and fame to exert sexual power over women and men (actually, boys), they are also stupid. 

This in no way is meant to humanize what they did, or allegedly did, but to indicate that while engaged in dastardly behavior they also were just plain stupid.

Let's begin with Gary Hart. Recall, back in 1987 he was the Democratic frontrunner and was expected to win the nomination for the upcoming 1988 election. His potential opponent was George H.W. Bush who was Ronald Reagan's Vice President. But let's not get ahead of ourselves.

It was suspected by many in the press that Senator Hart liked to fool around. He vehemently denied that and, incredibly, challenged the press to try to catch him at it.

Among other things, to do so, they proceeded to sift through his garbage. It was a pre-digital time and this was considered state of the art in the surveillance business.

They didn't find anything incriminating but quickly a photo turned up of him on the fantail of a 83-foot cabin cruiser. On his lap was a women other than his wife (see picture below). She was Donna Rice who, after being identified, before becoming an advocate for internet security, was the spokesperson for No Excuses jeans. The boat was aptly named--and I'm not making this up--Monkey Business.

This qualifies as just plain stupid and when all was exposed ended Gary's political career.

Briefly, since I mentioned him, the first president Bush appears to have a penchant for patting attractive young women on their bottoms while he poses with them for pictures. Confined now to a wheelchair and physically declining, he confessedly continues to engage in what his family is attempting to excuse as the sort of charming practice older Waspy gentlemen are prone to. Perhaps, after a long career in public service, entitled to.

Everyone else on my list of miscreants has their signature interests--Louie C.K. confessed that he masturbates in front of women; Weinstein cavorts around hotel rooms in a bathrobe and nothing else; Weiner posts selfies of his junk on the internet; Roy Moore is only interested in underage girls; Cosby drugs and then molests women; Bill Clinton likes oral sex from his pizza delivery intern; and Donald Trump, well, Donald Trump, boastfully told Billy Bush and Howard Stern that he likes to grab women's (euphemism) genitals. 

In every case, disgusting behavior and really stupid stuff.

Just Friends, They Claimed

November 15, 2017--Punishing Sexual Assault

Some of the most distressing news of recent times has been the wave of outings of men with power using it to sexually assault usually younger women over whom they have authority.

But some of the best news of recent times is about the courage these women are showing as they confront their accusers and risk stigmatization and the resurrection of the emotional nightmares they experienced in some case decades ago.

From movie producer Harvey Weinstein to comedian Louis C.K. to senatorial candidate Roy Moore, and lest we forget, Bill Crosby, the stories are horrifying, yet familiar.

And, yes, there is Fox News, which makes the predatory sexual climate of Mad Men seem like an innocent tea party.  

In my case, I know one of the accused, Leon Wieseltier, the former literary editor of the New Republic. This for me brings it close to home. 

The details of Leon's behavior are sadly typical--

Several women said they were humiliated when he kissed them on the mouth in front of other staff members. Others said he discussed his sex life, including describing in detail the breasts of a former girlfriend. He made passes at female colleagues and pressed them to describe their sex lives. 

Daily, we are hearing stories like this and worse.

But things get more complicated when thinking about appropriate punishment.

With the exception of Crosby and perhaps Weinstein, it is unlikely than any of these men will be criminally prosecuted. Some are and will be sued in civil court and hopefully, if guilty, will need to pay for emotional damages that they caused.

And then there are the private settlements that have occurred. Most dramatically, Bill O'Reilly paying one of the women he abused an astonishing $32 million.

In other instances, especially when the accused are well known or famous, they will suffer public disgrace and likely lose any possibility of resuming their careers. Weinstein will never again produce a feature film, Bill O'Reilly will never return to TV, Leon Wieseltier will never write and publish another literary critique.

Some will enter sex-addiction treatment programs (or pretend to), stay out of public view for a year or so, and then attempt to crawl back to their previous occupations. Weinstein is allegedly in such a program. 

In these instances the punishment is informal--employers will not take the risk to bring them back. In the case of the news or entertainment businesses, executives will not take the chance of being picketed or that sponsors will abandon them. Sponsor abandonment and boycotting are what ultimately brought O'Reilly down.

In the case of Roy Moore, perhaps, perhaps the voters of Alabama will keep him out of the Senate and the public eye. That would serve as a version of punishment.

Coauthor of Game Change, Mark Halpern, did numerous slimy things a number of years ago (and, who knows, perhaps more recently). After being exposed recently he lost his multi-million dollar book deal with Penguin Press and was fired by MSNBC and Bloomberg News. Will any publisher or TV network ever take another chance with him? Will they trust that he will be able to control himself, or more significant to a network, that he will be able to attract viewers and thus sponsors or readers. In other words, build viewership, sell books, and make money?

While we are furious about what is daily being revealed, it is understandable that we might feel there is justice seeing these careers ruined. The perpetrators brought this on themselves and deserve all the punishment they are receiving. It seems appropriate. 

But in some instances is it possible that the consequences are beyond fairness? How do we even think about fairness in circumstances when much of the punishment occurs in extralegal ways?

I am not sufficiently without flaws to make these judgements. Difficult as it is with emotions so raw, thinking about this still seems worthwhile.

Thoughts are welcome.

Leon Wieseltier

October 13, 2017--Harvey Weinstein--"That's What Woman Are Asking For."

I've been wanting to write about Harvey Weinstein but pretty much everything I have to say has been said. 

And he is so disgusting, what he did was so disgusting, the world he trolls is so disgusting, the politics of this is so disgusting, that I am inclined to take a pass. 

I don't want to have anything to do with him, even if it's only to write something. I feel that I will be slimed by any involvement.

But when I read what fashion designer Donna Karan said, I couldn't ignore this and leave it to others to rant. 

Self-proclaimed feminist Karan offered the traditional sexist rape defense:

"You look at everything all over the world today and how women are dressing and what they asking by just presenting themselves the way they do. What are they asking for?" 

She answered her own question--"Trouble."

And she is not alone in making excuses for him. Almost everyone in the Hollywood and show business community (I include fashion in that) has for decades been making excuses for him. Even his wife. How could she not have known what a disgrace he is? While his behavior was "secret" she remained with him. When it became public, she took off. More to protect the reputation of her own fashion line than because of her outrage.

One could say pretty much the same thing for most of the B- and A-List stars who were either groped by him or knew about his pathological behavior. They didn't want to spoil the party or their ability to be cast in his movies and make millions a picture.

And what about the politicians? All, by the way, Democrats. They liked to hang with him too and couldn't resist. It took Hillary Clinton six days, six, to express her outrage. And she knows more than anyone else about this kind of alpha-male behavior.

Saturday Night Live ignored this though they have been quick to mock Donald Trump when his grabbing pussy comments went viral or when any GOP congressman got caught fooling around in the men's room.

But Harvey to these bi-coastal elites was too powerful, too much fun to turn away from.

Look, for decades everyone knew what he was up to. As a close friend who is a prominent feature film maker said to me, "What he is has been known for years. It's the industry's dirty little secret. Pretty much all the guys who came to Hollywood to make movies did so to get laid."

I might add, or ran for Congress or the White House. Think Franklin Roosevelt, think Lyndon Johnson, think Bill Clinton, and especially think John Kennedy.

It is just this sort of thing, this hypocrisy that helped elect Donald Trump and will doom Democrats going forward. If there is a going forward. This hits especially hard on liberals because we're supposed to know better. Well, we don't.

This is what the Trump people hate about the rich and famous and powerful--that they're only in it for their own good times. And the cash.