May 20, 2020: Perchance to Dream

Rona said, "If you want to sleep through the night, don't talk about COVID-19 after 8:00."

I hadn't been sleeping well. That is not new.  It is not unusual for me to wake up with a jolt at 4:00 a.m. and though I try to get back to sleep frequently it is to no avail.

With ear buds, seeking distraction, on the radio, I listen to late night talk shows but for the most part they rant about the pandemic and how it was caused by a conspiracy that somehow involves Barack Obama and Bill Gates with one or the other of them also the Antichrist. 

Some distraction!

Rona said, "The other night one of your ear buds popped out and I could hear what you were listening to--a doctor of some sort who was talking about doing radiosurgery on someone's prostate."

I remembered that. Dr. Lederman. He's on the radio frequently during the middle of the night.

"With that blasting in your ears it's a wonder you can sleep at all."

I knew she was right, but I've been doing this for decades and am addicted to middle-of-the-night radio. Sometimes there's a baseball game to listen to, but not this year.

"I know that . . ."

"You need to try to stop this. With everything going on in the world, you don't need more aggravation. You're making yourself crazy and soon you'll be making yourself sick."

"I know . . ." 

"One thing you can do immediately is stop talking about COVID after 8:00. Maybe that would help. You're already taking Zoloft and I'm not comfortable adding a sleeping pill to the mix of your meds." I shrugged, beginning to feel hopeless. 

Rona said, "It's nearly eight o'clock now so why don't we start tonight? I won't let you draw me into a discussion about Trump and the pandemic. That also should help you sleep through the night."

I agreed and less than an hour later we went upstairs to watch some mindless TV before letting ourselves fall asleep. 

That night I woke up for good at 3 a.m., a little better than my usual, but still I knew it would lead to an agitated day.

The next night over dinner, we talked about Rona's city garden, not a word passed between us about the virus. And thus I expected to have some uninterrupted sleep. 

That was not to be.

Though I fell asleep a little past midnight, and that should have launched me into at least a decent night's sleep, by four I was wide awake, waiting for "Morning Joe" to go on the air. I was slipping backwards and losing my motivation to keep experimenting.

The next night, breaking all the rules that just a few days had me feeling optimistic, at about 9:30, as if out of the blue, I asked Rona to summarize for me the two types of tests they give people who they suspect might have COVID.

"The first one is the swab test," Rona said. "It can tell if you actively have the virus, the other one is a blood test and it . . ."

She broke off and punched the mattress. "I can't believe this. After talking about this an hour ago and agreeing we would not allow ourselves to talk about the virus after 8:00, here I am," she smacked the bed again, "here I am doing just that. Talking about it. You've turned me into your enabler. I'm sure Dr. Lederman and his prostate machine are waiting for you."

Rona was right in everything she felt and said.

Weakly I said, "But everything you've been saying about it tonight has been very interesting. I learned a lot. And . . . "

"I give up." Rona said, and with that she turned out her light and rolled onto her side, facing away from me.

At 7:30 am we got out of bed and hugged each other. I tried to apologize. 

Rona said, "Forget about it. I know you're struggling with this."

"I am. I really am. I don't want to be this way. Please, one more time, forgive me. I am trying. I really am."

I knew Rona had heard all this before.

"But one crazy thing," I said with a smile.

"What's that?"

"Like last night when out of nowhere I asked you about the tests, well past eight o'clock, and you began to respond, I assumed I would be lucky to sleep at all. My head would be filled with COVID anxieties. But, maybe I'm going about this the wrong way. Amazingly, I slept very well. No antichrist. No conspiracies. Just beautiful sleep."

"And what are you taking from that?"

"Maybe a little medical talk is not a bad but a good thing?"

"I think I've heard this one previously," Rona said. "But let's give it a try. We don't have much to lose."

And we have for the past few days. And, in spite of myself and my sleep history, I'm feeling optimistic. I'm sleeping quite well.

April 30, 2020--Who Was that Masked Man?

Masked Man?  Clearly not Mike Pence. 

He was maskless at the Mayo Clinic the other day when he and a delegation of Trump administration officials visited to thank doctors for their work on combating the virus.

The Mayo has a firm policy that anyone working there or visiting MUST wear a mask. When Pence showed up without one and declined to use one his hosts offered to provide, they pressed him and he continued to demure, asserting that the masks are to protect people from spreading the virus and since he is not infected (he claimed to be tested "regularly") he didn't need to wear one.  

And didn't. 

His hosts were gracious enough not to turn him away, as I would have.

What conceit, what arrogance. Or was it vanity--that he didn't want to mess up his $500 haircut?

Wondering about this, a panel of guests on Morning Joe Wednesday, searched for an explanation about why Pence insisted on going without a mask.

They came up with all sots of complicated speculation while a simple one was obvious.

It is not just because the person he is making a career out of sucking up to, Trump, also refuses to wear one. Though they both insist on never being seen with one.

Let me suggest a stretch of a comparison to how President Franklin Roosevelt, who was paralyzed from the waist down from polio, did all he could never to reveal the steel braces he needed to wear on his legs.

Doing so was political--FDR wanted to project strength and thus this "cover up."

The last thing Pence and Trump want is to appear fallible. And they do not want to remind voters that there are complicitous in the spread of the coronavirus. Their agenda is to deny its reality and obscure their series of policies that have it much worse, much deadlier.

Wearing a mask would underscore that the pandemic is still very much with us and until and before there are effective treatments, including vaccinations, they are desperate to vamp their way though the crisis by using theatrics, distortions, and lies to cover up their failures.

For them, business as usual.

As Jared Kushner just said, It's a "great success story." 

April 2, 2020--Cuomo Time

Anyone paying attention knows what Donald Trump did and didn't do to make the COVID-19 pandemic much worse than it would have been if a more competent and compassionate president had been leading the fight to contain it.

We know he sacked most government workers who had expertise about pandemics, claiming they weren't necessary because, grandiosely, he knew all that was needed to take on global epidemics.  

We know that when he could no longer ignore the signs that a pandemic was heading our way he tried to get away with happy talking Americans to distraction, telling then he was on top of things and very soon it would miraculously disappear.

All the while a number of governors, New York's Andrew Cuomo most prominently, were begging for help with supplies, medical equipment, and protective masks and gowns.

To many, Trump was the villain and the governors were adulated, especially Cuomo who has been so visibly on the case that a number of leading Democrats are hoping that a way can be found to nominate him to run against Trump.

I wish that Trump would disappear from the scene later this afternoon. Actually, in half an hour. 

But is it accurate to blame the failed response to the coronavirus to only Trump and his administration?

My view is it's worse than that--there is much more blame to spread around that it even includes governors such as Andrew Cuomo. 

The entire health care system is to blame: presidents, governors, mayors, and especially hospital and health care administrators. Administrators, not the galant staffs.

The federal government, even a competent one, is not exclusively responsible for assuring that hospitals are adequately equipped to take on medical emergencies. 

Do we expect the federal government to be in charge of hospitals' supply of scrubs, face masks, and sterile gloves? Should we expect the central government to make and store enough ventilators to handle everything heath care workers and institutions require to confront an emergency?

There are of course things that the government is best able to do. For example, deploy hospital ships and field hospitals. And perhaps top off emergency supplies when state resources are overwhelmed as they now are.

Isn't it reasonable to expect individual hospitals and state systems to stock at least 50 percent of the supplies and equipment needed to handle a crisis?

Listening to governor Cuomo and his colleagues it sounds as if they see this to be a federal responsibility. That perhaps FEMA should be in charge of it.

This is not the way our health care system is organized. Perhaps it should be. It is not centrally organized and controlled. I suspect Bernie Sanders would make the case that it should be, but to me, when faced with a pandemic, the buck stops a number of places.

March 27, 2020--Jack: The Epicenter

On the phone Jack said, "Just checking to see how you're doing down there at the epicenter."

"I appreciate that. All things considered, we're as good as can be expected. Though it's scary and a little boring."

"That's why I called--to perk you up."

"That would be a first," I said, half under my breath.

"No need to get your pants in a bunch. I consider myself one of your best friends."

I wondered if that were true and, if it was, wasn't entirely sure I liked the idea of it. I have to think more about that. But not right now. Too much going on. "So tell me," I said, "what's on your mind?"

"You."

"Me? Meaning?"

"Meaning you're in the high risk category and . . ."

I cut in, "I don't have diabetes or lung disease or a heart condition."

"But you're elderly. That puts you at high risk."

"I don't think about myself that way. Age is just a number. And a state of mind."

"But in your case that number is quite a number. And about state of mind, you've got problems with that too." I could hear him stifling a laugh.

"Get on with it," I said to one of my self-declared best friends.

"But then there's the Trump factor."

I knew we'd get there. 

"He's doing a great job, don't you agree?"

"Of course you're kidding. His delaying for well over a month to even acknowledge there was an impending problem makes him rsponsible for thousands of unnecessary deaths. Not that he ever takes responsibility for anything. And then when he did reluctantly admit it was more than a hoax, fake news, he lied about its being under control and that soon it would just disappear as a 'miracle'--he literally said that--which only made matters worse. His people believed him and carried on with their lives as if everything was normal."

I paused to calm down. Jack had me all agitated.

"To him," I continued, "it's been about two things, just two--neither one in the public interest--the state of the economy (really more how the Dow Jones average is doing) and, related, his own personal politics--how the economy and the pandemic would affect his reelection chances."

"In the meantime he's doing pretty good," Jack said, "Since he began those daily press briefing his approval rating has gone up at least five points. Almost to 50 percent."

"So you too only care about those two things. People are dying and all that's on your mind is his approval rating."

I took a deep breath  "You mentioned our so-called friendship. Your seeing things this way makes it very difficult for me to consider you as anything resembling a friend. I think I'm about to hang up."

In fact I did hang up. I was only sorry, to make it more dramatic, I didn't have one of those old-fashioned phones that you could slam into its cradle.

Before I could get a glass of water the phone was ringing. Jack's name came up on the caller ID. I let it ring and ring until it was picked up by the answering machine.

It rang two more times before I picked it up and, not saying a word, I held the phone a good two inches from my ear, as if I did not want to acknowledge or touch Jack.

Jack said, "I get your point. I replayed the tape in my head and I did sound stupid." Still, I did not respond.

"Of course it's not about his reelection chances or the economy. Not when so many Americans are hurting and worse. Please," I had never heard him this contrite, "Let me try again."

I finally grunted, "OK," but continued to hold the phone well away from my ear.

"At times he can be a jerk. Worse than a jerk. At those times I admit I have my problems with him."

"'Problems?'" I shouted. "He has blood on his hands and so do you if you continue to be an apologist for him. You and your kind are enablers of the worst sort. This is not about day-to-day politics but about life and death. Of Americans." 

I was soaking wet and trembling. Afraid for my health. To quote Jack, I am elderly, and, if I can avoid them, shouldn't allow myself to be put in such stressful situations.

Still with my heart pounding, I said, "Do you remember about three weeks ago there was that cruise liner, the Grand Princess I think it was called? There were people on board who had the virus and American authorities didn't allow it to dock on the west coast until there were facilities on shore to put them in quarantine. 

"When Trump was asked why it wasn't allowed to dock he said, 'I'd rather have the people stay to board. I'd rather that,' and I'm quoting him, 'Because I like the numbers being where they are.'" 

"In other word," I said, "not included in the total number of American's infected. That summed him up and how he was handling this--as PR. Not as a health emergency."

"Again," Jack said, "I'm don't disagree with you."

"So?"

"So I still think he'll be reelected."

For the second time, I slammed the phone down. This time on the table top.

March 11, 2020--Germaphobe In Chief

Isn't it ironic that the world's best-known germaphobe, Donald Trump, may be in the process of being brought down by a whopper of a germ, the coronavirus.

I knew Trump was serious about running for president when he mingled in crowds and shook hands with people along the rope line without wearing gloves.

Years before that, occasionally in Manhattan, we would run into him and he always wore gloves, even in the middle of summer.

Even now, he is desperate to pretend everything is normal, claiming without evidence that the virus, like a "miracle" will soon just "disappear," the stock market will come roaring back, and in a romp he will win reelection.

Thinking about this and how Trump is behaving, a number of friends have been saying that the virus doesn't have to disappear to keep his supporters in line because, like his claim that he could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and get away with it, he could bungle the response to the pandemic (as is currently happening) and none of his people would care.

They would go along with the talking points which assert there is no public health problem. Like Ukraine, like with North Korea, like behaving as an apologist for Vladimir Putin, it's all a media-generated "witch hunt." The coronavirus is a "hoax" intended to bring Trump down.

But what is unfolding is categorically different than "lock her up" or calling the press the "enemy of the people." By comparison they are benign.

What we are seeing now is hitting much, much closer to home. It is literally a matter of life and death. Not some insipid chant at a feel-good Trump rally.

For example, many of his followers have aging parents or are elderly themselves. They have underlying medical issues such as COPD or heart disease and they know if they contract the virus there is a good chance they will die.

This is not an example of a Trump-inspired cost-free political frolic but a deeply feared threat. So lying about this is very different than lying about Benghazi. Deception will not make the virus go away.

In crises like the Bay of Pigs or 9/11presidents are supposed to remain calm and help people get through the trauma, not make matters worse by being flippant or incompetent. They need to feel our fear and pain, not exploit it for their own political benefit.

There is one good thing--Trump has made such an obvious and blatant mess of this existential crisis that people are finally coming to realize he is a fraud and cannot be depended upon to make us feel safe. Even some of his own people. Making citizens feel protected is a president's most important responsibility.

The current situation then represents a huge political disaster for him from which there is no easy recovery. Even members of cults (or Congress) have on occasion broken away from their charismatic leaders. I expect that something similar will soon change the narrative for some of Trump's most fervent acolytes. 

The fun for them is over.