January 24, 2020--Adam Schiff

Overnight friends have been leaving messages about the Trump impeachment.

One said--

"Since we do not as yet have. a strong candidate to run against Trump, how about Adam Schiff? He's smart, experienced, passionate, has a clear sense of history, and even a sense of humor."

"Minimally," I wrote back, "if the Democrats manage to win in November, we have our Attorney General."

January 2, 2020--Jack: Impeachment

"I can't believe you guys stepped in it."

"Make it quick Jack, I only have a few minutes for you." 

This was not true, I had time on my hands as I usually do during the holiday season, but I was in no mood to get involved with him. I'd rather be staring at the ceiling. 

"I'm talking about impeachment. Especially what your Dems are up to."

"Going after Trump, that's what we're up to. And I say, it's about time."

"So he's got you snookered too. I love that." I could hear him chuckling. 

"I repeat--I only have a few minutes for you."

"I'll bet you never heard of this one." I stifled myself, not responding, and so Jack continued, "She fell right into his trap. Trump's" He paused, trying to engage me. I continued to hold my tongue, "How did this whole impeachment thing get started?"

"Enlighten me." I didn't know where he was going with this.

"By Trump ordering the release of the written transcript of his conversation with the newly-elected president of Ukraine. The so-called extortion or bribery conversation where he told Zelensky he would release the authorized military assistance money to Ukraine if they agreed to dig up dirt about the Bidens."

"Of course I know about that. It was pretty stupid for your boy to try to get away with that."

"At the time a lot of media people and liberals were also gleeful, thinking he gave them the smoking gun up front. With Nixon the smoking gun was at the end of the impeachment process with Trump it was up front. Your people thought he shot himself in the foot and off they raced to get impeachment going. You remember, I'm sure, that Nancy didn't want to go there. She was worried that like with Clinton if Trump got impeached by only the Democrats his favorables would go up. It would help him get reelected. But when he released the transcript Pelosi couldn't continue to duck going for impeachment. She had no choice but to unleash Schiff."

"So far, we agree."

"Good. Now let's look at this from where the situation is going rather than where it is--stalled in the House because Nancy doesn't want to send the articles of impeachment to Mitch in the Senate until she has rules in place to call witnesses and examine subpoenaed documents. Mitch is happy about her slowing the process down because as soon as he gets back from New Years he'll start to claim the Dems are engaged in a coverup. They know Trump is not going to be voted out of office. That the Democrats are engaged in a witch hunt. Blah, blah. You've heard all this before. But best of all Nancy is playing right into his hands. She's been smart up to this point but very soon her political strategy is going to come crashing down."

I said, "About this we disagree. Mitch is going to have to allow a few witnesses since if he doesn't it will look like what it is--that he and his senators are engaged in a coordinated coverup. Can you imagine what Bolton and Rudy have to say as witnesses? They may turn out to be the real smoking guns."

"Some of this could happen," Jack said, "but it won't matter. Whatever the Dems come up with--witnesses, emails, stuff like that--Trump is not getting kicked out of office. He's going to be found not guilty and ten minutes after that vote he'll embark on a 10-city Exoneration Tour, boasting there was no collusion, no bribery, no obstruction. Then he'll get the Clinton bump."

"What a nightmare," I said under me breath.

"If you see things unfolding that way--and I'm sure you do," he chuckled again, "it's obvious Trump is behind the whole thing. He's the only one smart enough to come up with this scenario and sucker the Democrats into moving against him. He wanted to be impeached. He engineered the whole thing. And now he'll expose Nancy's failed strategy and take Biden down at the same time. Sort of like a trick shot in pool. Two for one. And that will leave the Democrats with Bernie as their candidate. A trifecta for our president."

My head was throbbing. Was I ever sorry I answered the phone. I swore that next time . . .

November 25, 2019--Move The Goalposts

It's time for Democrats to move on from impeachment. 

Considering Trump's many crimes and misdemeanors, impeachment is the constitutional right thing to do--impeach Trump in the House of Representatives and initiate a trial in the Senate.

But there's the rub. With Republicans in charge of the Senate there is no chance, I repeat, no chance, zero likelihood, that Trump will be voted out of office.

Rather than witnessing an impartial trial, we will experience an attempt to portray Trump as an innocent victim of the Democrats, persecuted by a Dark State "witch hunt," aided and abetted by the "enemy of the people"-- the press.

Senate Majority Leader, Moscow-Mitch McConnell will be in charge. He will make and promulgate the rules (to be fair, as did Adam Schiff and Nancy Pelosi in the House) and people such as Lindsey Graham--chair of the Senate Judiciary Committee--will be in flagrant political ecstasy.

We won't be hearing more from Fiona Hill or anyone like her. Rather it will be left to Devin Nunes to whine to the Senate how Trump was railroaded in the House. Adam Schiff will be assigned by Mitch a small desk by the men's room.

As good as it felt the past two weeks to see young bureaucrats put their careers and perhaps lives at risk to tell the truth about how Trump led the effort to undermine the stirring of democracy in Ukraine to advance his own political agenda, that's how bad it will feel when Chief Justice Rogers gavels the trial to commence. We will hear nothing but conspiracy theories 24/7 even on MSNBC. It will be as if it had morphed into Fox News.

And at the end of the day, Trump will still be in office, his favorabilities will have risen, and the Democrats will be viewed by an increasing number of voters as politically-motivated obstructionists. Defeating Trump next Election Day will be considerably less likely. Reelecting a majority of the new class of Democratic House members will also be more difficult. 

This is why since 2018 when the Democrats gained control of the House Speaker Nancy Pelosi resisted the move to impeach Trump.

But there is a relatively easy way for the Democrats to get out of this pickle and actually gain political standing--move the goal posts from impeachment to censure. 

Get the House to condemn Trump's behavior and move on. Take impeachment off the table. Censuring a sitting president is a big deal and would demonstrate to moderate voters that the Democrats are capable of behaving decisively and moderately.

They can do this as it is possible for one house of Congress on its own to censure colleagues and members of the administration, including the president.

It would also free up the Democratic senators who are seeking the presidential nomination--Senators Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders, Kamala Harris, Cory Booker, and Amy Klobuchar. As impeachment "jurors" they would be like hostages in the Senate for at least a month during the height of the primary season. Mitch McConnell will relish muzzling them. And Lindsey will launch investigations into everything from the Bidens to Hillary Clinton's server.

Spare us.

November 22, 2019--Adam Schiff

Watching the Democratic debate the other night, continuing to be decidedly unimpressed with the 10 candidates still standing (plus the two hovering in the wings--Michael Bloomberg and Duval Patrick) I wondered if these are the best contenders we can come up with. With at least 330 million Americans, can't we do better? Much better?

I continue to have the fantasy that Michelle Obama will enter the race, convinced she could win in a walk. And wouldn't it be sweet revenge to have an Obama defeat Trump.

About this I've taken a lot of grief from readers and friends who think I'm crazy. Maybe I am. 

But I have another thought--Adam Schiff for president!

He's in his 18th year in Congress and we know from how he has been handling the impeachment process that he is brilliant and blessed with eloquence and practical intelligence. In his almost-too-many years in Congress he has played significant roles in issues ranging from press freedom to the Saudi intervention in Yemen. On the other hand he supported the invasion of Iraq.

And he's a marathoner and triathlete.

Think about it. We could do worse. In fact, it looks as if we are.

November 19, 2019--Jack: It's the Senate, Stupid

"How are things in Sodom on the Hudson?" 

I heard Jack's snickering laugh. We were back in New York City and, unlike in Maine, I was enjoying not running into him.

I put the phone on speaker, set it on the end table, and went to make myself a cup of decaf. I thought I'll just listen to what he has to say and not engage him directly. It's crazy enough in the city and I didn't want to make it worse.

"I'll bet you've got MSNBC on day and night and are enjoying the impeachment reality-TVshow. I can only imagine what Rachel is saying. She must be having a  field day.''Trump did this and then he did that. Impeachment is not good enough for him. Blah, blah, blah.'" 

He ranted on, "The Dems must be drooling over the prospect of impeaching him. I bet half of you are having dreams where he's perp-walked out of the White House and, in leg irons, shipped north to New York where he'll be prosecuted and hauled before a firing squad."

Then he said, "Tell the truth, you and your New York friends are getting your jollies from the so-called hearings. By now you must be in love with Shifty Schiff running things with an iron hand, cutting the mics whenever a Republican raises a point of order or wants to have witnesses of their own. Admit it. It's a done deal, right? Wired? Nancy Pelosi's counting the days before calling for a vote. She wants to get it done before Christmas so her people can run home to their districts and tell their constituents what good boys and girls they've been.

"They must be all puffed up, convinced that the things they're uncovering is the truth about Trump's corruption though most of the testimony is second and third hand. All of it hearsay, which is not admissible. Yes, I know, this is not a conventional trial and trial rules do not apply. But one could say that what they're working on--trying to turn a president out of office--is a bigger deal than almost any trial. So shouldn't Schiff use only the most legitimate tools and processes?

"But your pals are forgetting one thing as they race ahead." I almost broke my vow of silence to ask him what that might be. But it wasn't necessary as Jack said--"It's not about the House which the Dems control, the House can only bring charges. The Senate is the ballgame. They hold the real trial if Trump is in fact impeached. And if this happens the process moves across the capitol, to the Senate, which the Republicans control and where they make all the rules. I should say, Mitch McConnell runs the show. And what do you think he'll do? Nothing that will make you feel good. It will be a full bore, all out assault on the Democrats. They'll be the ones begging for points of order. As good as you're feeling now, that's how bad you'll feel when Mitch is running the show.

"For example, don't be surprised if they subpoena the Bidens. I don't see anything constitutional getting in the way of that. Or, for that matter, Hillary. Expect to hear about her emails."

So, I thought, now Jack is seeing himself as an authority on the Constitution.

"How do you think that'll go down? I know you're thinking--though you're clearly not talking--that it was wrong for Hunter Biden to get so tangled up in the Ukraine, making tons of money, while his father was Vice President. How else would he have been qualified for a job over there that paid him $50,000 a month?

"What I'm trying to say it that it's not always good to get what you hope for. Like the impeachment of Trump. Even Nancy worried out loud about how doing that might help him get reelected. The public would feel that the Dems are wasting everyone's time and spending millions of taxpayer dollars on a goose chase."

"You know, Jack, I agree . . ."

Before I could complete my thought, Jack had already hung up.

November 7, 2019--Flipping

There was a flurry of reports earlier this week that one the two Ukrainians languishing in jail for campaign finance violations, Lev Parnas, was talking with prosecutors about copping a plea in return for testimony about Rudy Giuliani's shadow diplomacy in Eastern Europe. 

As that word filtered out, we can only imagine what "America's mayor" must have been thinking and imbibing. Nothing that would help him sleep through the night.

But the one who should really be tossing and turning is our president.

I initially thought that Parnas' potential flipping would focus exclusively on Rudy. That he would provide testimony that would be devastating to the former mayor. 

This may be true but is less than half the story because if Parnas helps bring down Giuliani, Giuliani, to save himself from spending a few decades in jail, will flip, and turn his fire on Trump.

And while on the subject of flipping, what about the recently-fired National Security Advisor, John Bolton, who Democrats in the House are eager to interview as part of their impeachment inquiry?

Jilted and publicly humiliated by Trump he must be seething and have quite a story to tell. We are likely to hear it unless Bolton secures a multi-million dollar tell-all book deal which would be less valuable as a commercial property if he agrees to spill his beans to Congress for free on live TV.

I feel certain Parnas will flip and testify and so, ultimately, will Bolton. The former to avoid prosecution the latter for sweet revenge.

October 4, 2019--Benghazi Redux

At taxpayer expense, I am sure, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and his wife are galavanting around Italy, visiting diplomatic hot spots such as the Vatican Museum and the Sistine Chapel. And yes having a private audience with the Pontiff. 

He also may or may not meet up with Bill Barr, our Attorney General, who is also in Italy, also with his wife. I think more to chow down than carry out Trump's agenda for him--to get dirt on how the hated Mueller investigation got gong. 

The impeachment inquiry spotlight is moving on to the two cabinet secretaries, and I am certain they are happy to be hidden away for the moment in the Hassler. As far from Trump as possible, who in the meantime is again in Florida playing golf.

Did I miss the memo that it's already Spring Break?

When Pompeo finally gets home I have an idea about how to reward him for his loyalty and service to the country. Something that he can include on his resumé as he prepares in four years to run for the presidency. Of the United States--

Now that he has been caught in a baldfaced lie--after denying that he was in fact listening in on Trump's infamous July 25th phone call with the president of Ukraine he was compelled to admit he was and as a result will certainly be called to testify before Adam Schiff's impeachment committee. 

When he does so, I have just the person who should interrogate him, who deserves to do so--Hillary. Yes, that Hillary.

In 2015 Pompeo was a member of Congress and on the House committee that interrogated Hillary Clinton who had been secretary of state when our diplomats were killed in Benghazi. She was questioned for more than eleven hours, most aggressively, most mean-spiritedly by Congressman Pompeo.

Schiff is apparently planning to have most of the questioning of witnesses done by staff and outside council. Like what the Rodino committee did during the Watergate hearings.

Why look any further than Hillary? She qualifies--she's a lawyer and God knows would have the motivation.

I'd pay to be there.

November 15, 2018--Trump Agonistes

In Trumpworld every day provides the opportunity to encounter something so bizarre that it can be said that we never witnessed such behavior before. 

His funk in Paris last weekend is a case in point. 

He clearly didn't want to be there for the 100th anniversary of the armistice that ended World War One. To make matters worse, it was on the very same weekend he had in mind for his own Soviet-style military parade in Washington replete with nuclear missiles trundling down Pennsylvania Avenue.

In France he cut out on events, including one in a drizzle at an American military cemetery. He also didn't show up for other scheduled meetings and left a day early to, some cynics said, get back to the security of his White House bedroom and Fox News 24/7.

It was speculated in the Los Angeles Times and Washington Post that he is unraveling as the Mueller probe is closing in on him and some of his closest advisors, likely including members of his family. (Which son or son-in-law will be the first to flip and agree to become a Mueller witness?)

It didn't help, the press speculated, that the full extent and implications of the results of the recent midterm election finally dawned on Trump and he had no spin handy to deflect from the trouncing he and congressional Republicans experienced. 

It finally became clear to him that the Democrats, who will control the House, will immediately launch investigations of his potentially criminal conduct both before and while serving as president. So assuming he is able to shut down the Mueller investigation (even his new best friend Lindsay Graham says he won't be able to) Adam Schiff and other committee-chairs-in-waiting are licking their legislative chops

Is it any wonder that he hasn't been able to sleep and wants to hide in his bedroom with the blankets pulled up over his head.

And so it was not only in Paris that he withdrew from public view but back in Washington too.

He apparently was so shut off from the world outside his bubble that his wife, Melania, who couldn't get his attention on a matter of some urgency to her, felt she had to plant stories on Fox News, knowing he was watching, to elicit a response.

The strangest was the leak from her office earlier this week about deputy national security advisor, Mira Ricardel. Apparently still smarting from some of the fiascos associated with her trip last month to "shithole" countries in Africa (which was really more about showing off her tropical wardrobe than anything smacking of diplomacy), Mrs. Trump, who never met her, blamed the whole mess on Ricardel who, she claimed, didn't arrange appropriate seating for accompanying journalists and, I am certain, her junketing tag-along New York friends, she tried to talk to her husband about it but he was so tuned out that that didn't work and so the First Lady had her spokesperson issue a public statement saying Ricardel no longer "deserved the honor" to work in "this White House."

When the statement was broadcast on Fox News Trump finally noticed it and apparently just now arranged for some flunky to get Ricardel to pack up her stuff and await "another assignment." An assignment of the same sort, I assume, they arranged for Omarosa.

Melania Trump On Safari

November 7, 2018--The Economy, Stupid

Briefly since I was up all night listening to the election results--

First, I did pretty well with my predictions. 

Beto O'Rourke did lose by about three points (which for a Democrat in Texas is remarkable) and one would think that would end any talk about his president possibilities in two years, but last night on MSNBC there was chat about his running and in this morning's New York Times speculation about his potential candidacy.

Then, by far the biggest headline from the evening's results was the Democrats winning control of the House of Representatives. By a somewhat bigger margin than predicted by most. Adam Schiff, who will become chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, essentially announced that in January there will be wide-ranging investigations of Trump and his minions, including demands that they have access to his tax returns. 

The takeover of the House by Democrats will also assure that Mueller's eventual report will see the light of day. Even if Trump fires everyone associated with the investigation Schiff and his colleagues will have the power to subpoena it and make it public. 

And, one bonus from Schiff's ascension, is that we won't have to pay attention anymore to the departing chairman, Trump funky Devin Nunes.

On the Democratic side there did not appear to be any stars waiting for 2020 to be born. Perhaps Gavin Newsome, who will become California's governor might turn out to be credible. I know nothing about him (all talk about California presidential candidates have thus far centered around Senator Kamala Harris), but as my father would point out if he were still around--he has "presidential hair."

Finally (and then back to bed) though James Carville's insight when it comes to national elections is that it's always the economy, stupid, that was not true last night. It was about healthcare, healthcare, healthcare and immigration, immigration, immigration. And, yes, concern about Trump's abhorrent behavior. A full 30 percent said to vote against him was a major reason why they turned out.

Thinking about going forward, it will be important to see how many white women and young people voted, for whom, and by what numbers. Because by 10:00 am today the 2020 election moves to center stage.

March 19, 2018--Hell Hath No Fury . . .

Since Friday when Attorney General Jeff Sessions, under intense pressure from President Trump, fired F.B.I. deputy director Andrew McCabe two days before he was eligible for a full government pension, there have been a series of angry crescendos from the president and his lawyers claiming it is now time to shut down Robert Mueller's investigation of potential collusion between Russians and the Trumps to tip the 2016 election by undermining the Clinton campaign. And in retaliation there have been threatening statements from McCabe and previously-fired F.B.I. directer James Comey.  

The latter two asserted ominously that very soon they will spill the goods they have regarding Trump's direct involvement in a potential criminal conspiracy. Comey  for example, who has a tell-all book about to be published, on Saturday tweeted, "Mr. Presidnet, the American people will hear my story very soon. And they can judge for themselves who is honorable and who is not."

This is ominous because Comey, we already know, wrote and secured contemporaneous memos to the file about encounters with Trump during which the president attempted to get him to agree to back off from his investigation of Michael Flynn, then National Security Adviser, now self-confessed felon. 

Drawing on these Comey surely has quite a story to tell.

Then, over the weekend, McCabe, implied there is the likelihood that he did the same thing, memorializing in real time, also via memos to F.B.I. files, conversations he had with director Comey, who seemingly and wisely for corroboration purposes filled him in about Trump's attempts to pressure him to end all investigations of Flynn and the Russian subversion of the 2016 election. Likely indictable offenses.

What with all of this and the Stormy Daniels situation spinning out of Trump control, there is good reason for the president and his enablers in and out of the White House and Congress to be more than a little worried. It would be understandable if there was out-and-out panic. Thus the flailing about, the leaks, the threats, the rushing to any media outlet that will welcome hearing about the opining and spiraling charges and countercharges. 

Of course, all of this is a Trumpian campaign to attempt to further erode public confidence in all parts of the federal justice system, from the integrity and nonpartisan history of the F.B.I. to the Mueller investigation, where there are again assertions that his senior team of invesitagors is biased (it is true that though Mueller himself is a Republican, almost all of his senior investigators are Democrats) to of course the alleged liberal bias of the media.

The real danger is the constitutional crisis that will result from any active moves to dismiss Mueller. How many Republicans would protest? I suspect only a few and that the outcry would be at most a week-long story, with Stormy Daniels again dominating the headlines  

Or is this too cynical?  

If not, the best hope for justice would be a Democratic sweep in November with the House flipping and with the then new chairman of the Intelligence Committee, Adam Schiff immediately cranking up a real congressional investigation.

Nothing focuses a politician's mind more than the possibility of not being reelected.

In the meantime, some related news--apparently Andrew McCabe has already received four or five job offers from Democratic congressmen who have things they would like him to do for them, which would, not coincidentally, restart his pension clock. If he worked for just a few days for any of them, because these would be government jobs, it is felt he would become entitled to a pension that could pay him as much as $60,000 a year. 

Putting aside for the moment the question of any government worker being able to receive a pension after only 20 years in federal employ, whereas almost all other workers have to put in many more years than that for a lot less money, let's think of this as a warm and ironic story.

Andrew McCabe

January 19, 2018--Lock Them Up

Announced Friday was the first in at least three chapters about how Russians influenced the 2016 presidential election. 

This report from the Mueller investigation and the Department of Justice did not contain a "smoking gun."

That means no one from the Trump campaign, including President Trump, was accused (yet) of knowingly playing a direct part in the dozens of efforts to derail Hillary Clinton's campaign while boosting his.

But a smoking gun, in a second or third chapter, will soon be forthcoming.

The second chapter will show the many ways in which Trump's people wittingly were involved, likely including Trump himself. A third chapter, knitting everything together, will reveal how money was the root of all evil that led to this widespread malfeasance--how Russians indirectly and directly laundered oligarchs' ill-gotten gains (including from Putin) through western banks such as Deutsche Bank, which in turn loaned it to the likes of Trump (and the Kushners) to bail out their failing real estate deals.

Expect in these two chapters to hear directly from the perpetrators themselves as perhaps up to a dozen have been cooperating, for months working undercover for the Mueller investigation, wearing a wire, in exchange for not being tried, convicted, and sent to jail.

Thus far, some of this is unintentionally ironic.

For example, we learn how pervasive and effective Russian interference was in the 2016 campaigns and likely continues to be, including as we grind toward the 2018 midterm elections.

Their use of social media and their direct involvement in dirty tricks undoubtedly helped tip the election to Trump. By working strategically how could the Russians not have turned the few thousand votes Trump needed in purple states (which they targeted) such as Ohio, Michigan, Wisconsin, Virginia, Florida, and Pennsylvania to build his winning margin in the Electoral College?

This means (the irony) that the Russian campaign in 2016 was more effective than Hillary's--Trump won with Russian support; she lost for the same reason.

Rattled by the implication that he is an illegitimate president Trump spent the weekend off the golf course (too windy) attacking via tweets those he perceives to be his enemies from Congressman Adam Schiff (who he called a "monster") to his own National Security Advisor, General H.R. McMaster to . . . Oprah, who Trump says is "insecure".

Making what the Russians were up to vivid, Mueller, in this first series of indictments revealed how Russian operatives showed up at campaign events, including in West Palm Beach, FL with a flatbed truck on which there was a simulated jail cell within which there was "incarcerated" an actress dressed in an orange prison jumpsuit pretending to be Hillary Clinton.

Mueller is now moving quickly, wanting to complete as much of his work as possible before Trump attempts to fire Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein in an attempt to shut down the investigation.

None of this will work. Friday witnessed the beginning of the end of the Trump presidency.

April 7, 2017--Congressional Dye Job

There was something familiar looking about Adam Schiff yesterday morning during his appearance on Morning Joe.

As the ranking member of the House Intelligence Committee he's in high demand these days by the media since the Intel Committee is one of two congressional committees investigating the Trump administration's various Russian involvements.

Though their work is supposed to be confidential, since national security may be at stake, he and his fellow committee members, especially the chairman, Devin Nunes have not been shy about appearing on TV and in some cases inappropriately even thinking out loud that they wouldn't be "surprised" if at the end of the day some people who are apparently involved in dealing less than legitimately with Putin and his people will wind up in jail.

2020 presidential candidate  and committee member Joaquin Castro said as much earlier this week. He got lots of headlines for that as did a number of other Democrats who chimed in. Half the Dems on the committees it seems are also thinking about running for president in four years.

I peered intently at Schiff to see what might have triggered my curiosity about the way he looked. Was it that he reminded me of my Uncle Ben or Mr. Gatti, my 5th grade teacher?

I tried squinting to see if would help.

Then there was the first of the morning's breaking news--under pressure to step aside because of his behaving as a Trump apologist, eager to do his bidding, rather than a more-or-less impartial investigator, Nunes "temporarily"suspending his Russian Connection involvement.

Nunes' picture popped up on the screen.

"That's it!" I said to Rona, who had no idea why I was so excited. "They have the same hair!"

"The same what?"

"Hair. Schiff and Nunes. Look." I pointed at the TV, "Not the same hair but the same color. I mean the same dye job. Isn't that amazing?"

"I'm beginning to be concerned about you," Rona said. "Can we watch something fluffy? I've already had my daily fill of this and I'm worried about you. You're in danger of going off the deep end over Trump and his people. Is there a MASH or Seinfeld rerun to distract us?"

"I think I know why they have the same hair color," I said.

"You can tell me on one condition."

"What's that?"

"That after you do we watch an episode of Married With Children. I hate that show but it always gives you a few laughs, which you desperately need. In fact, the next time you go to see Dr. Heller I want you to talk with him about this."

"This? You mean their hair?"

"No, your obsession with everything having to do with Trump. Maybe there's some medication he can prescribe."

Ignoring that, I asked, "Is this just a coincidence? The both of them having the same color dye? What are the odds of that?

"I wouldn't know and I don't care."

"I don't care but I'm sure I know."

"Lord help me."

"They go to the same barber. And I bet it's the House barber."

"The House barber? The House of Representatives has a barber?"

"More than that. A barber shop and a hair salon for female members. I saw them one time when a congressman I was working with walked me around the Capital and showed me that and their gym and swimming pool and sauna and of course the cafeteria and restaurant. Where things are either free or very low cost."

"So your theory is that Nunes and Schiff go to that barber rather than ones in the districts?"

"Exactly. I can hear them telling the barber 'Give me a Nunes or a Schiff.'"

"Like people used to ask for an Elvis or Farrah." Rona was getting into it.

"I wonder what else our representatives are getting as perks. I know they get a minimum of $174,000 in salary and $250,000 a year for office and travel expenses which means that they effectively fly for free."

"And don't forget the free parking at Reagan Airport. Right by the terminals."

"And pensions that are way beyond what ordinary employees or executives get. I looked that up the other day. After 20 years in office they get $59,000 a year. More than twice what they'd get or a typical retiree would get from Social Security."

"This is making me sick to my stomach," Rona said.

"Congress meets only part of the year and so members get 239 days a year off. They work on many of those days back home, but really."

"Can we change the channel?" Rona pleaded with me.

"Here's my favorite thing--they get platinum health care of course, much of the cost of which is subsidized by, you'll never guess, Obamacare. I'm sure when they repeal and replace it they won't be taking away that subsidy."

"Is it any wonder people who are struggling to get by are made crazy by this?"

"At least if Congress did its job. But one more thing," I said.

"As long as it's the last thing."

"I promise. But back to the hair business. Don't you think that if they didn't have their own hair place in the Capital they would benefit by going to barbershops in their home districts? Barber shops and beauty parlors are great places to stay in touch with constituents. Better than town hall meetings where everyone is screaming and yelling."

"Joaquin Castro was right--they need to be put in jail."